This Cruel Love

He threaded his fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck and deepened our kiss. It didn’t take long for the throw to be discarded on the floor, and me to straddle him and ride him like my life fucking depended on it. There’s a lot to be said for straddling a beautiful man and sliding up and down his thick, hard cock, watching his face as he comes deep inside you. Even better when you come hard around him and see those sparkling grey eyes roll to the back of his he

ad. Pure fucking heaven. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough of this man. He was my kryptonite and I loved it. I loved him. So fucking much.

I’d done the maths and I knew the three month mark was up any day. Surprisingly, Jackson had kept up the rehab payments, and Justin would be leaving soon. Heading home to the messages and emails I’d sent him, telling him what an asshole he was. That was if he hadn’t seen those messages already. I hadn’t heard a thing from him though, not since the day he went in. I wasn’t surprised. Justin always was good at focusing on himself. I’d been so blinkered over the years, but I could count on one hand the number of times he’d come to visit me at university. It was always me doing the travelling. Me putting myself out for him. Rarely the other way around. So the fact I hadn’t heard a peep out of him, it wasn’t totally shocking to me.

I wasn’t the only one feeling ansty about his imminent return. I heard Jackson talking to Cill on speakerphone one afternoon, venting his frustration. Cill asked him if he’d ‘tied up all the loose ends’, whatever that meant, and Jackson assured him he had.

“That little shit isn’t getting within fifty feet of us. I swear to God, I’ll rip his balls off if he does,” Jackson said, sounding more like the devil I’d met three months ago.

“I’d watch your back, mate,” Cill replied in a hushed tone. “I saw Freddie Marquez last night, and he said Ed is on the warpath. Seems your bad-mouthing him has cost him big. He’s not getting any work these days, and he’s pissed as fuck at you. Apparently, he’s telling anyone who’ll listen that he’s gonna annihilate us both. God knows what I did to piss him off. Maybe he’s jealous of my witty banter and smoking hot looks. Can’t blame the guy, he’s got a face only a mother could love.”

“I couldn’t give two shits what Ed says. He’s not even on my radar. Just let me know if that gutter rat shows his face around the club when I’m gone.”

“Gone? You going somewhere, chief?” Cill asked.

“Just gonna lay low here for a while, keep my girl happy,” Jackson replied.

“Best thing to do.”

Jackson cut the call, throwing his phone onto the couch and pacing the floor like an army major.

“You okay?” I tiptoed into the living area, not wanting to let him know I’d heard every word.

“I’m okay, just work stuff. Come here.” He put his arms out to me and I went to him, revelling in the warmth of his strong arms and the intoxicating scent of delicate aftershave and him. It’s crazy how a smell can calm your very soul. That’s what he did to me. Did I do that to him too?

“You know, I thank God every single day that you came into my life,” he said into my hair as I held him. “You’re the only person who’s ever made me smile for no reason, and I never smile.”

“I’d noticed.” I grinned back up at him. “You make me smile too. Inside and out.”

He laughed and squeezed me hard, then led me to the couch to sit.

“Ryley, you know your ex is getting out soon. Are you ready for what that could mean?” I could see hesitation in his eyes, as if he was wary of my reaction.

“Yeah, I know the date. It makes no difference to me though. I don’t want to see that creep ever again. He’s nothing to me.”

He reached forward to hold my hands in his. “You say that now, but you and he have a past.” He lowered his head in defeat. “He had you for seven years. I’ve had you here for three months, and most of that time you hated me. Can you understand why I’m a little nervous?”

My heart hurt for him. He had absolutely nothing to be nervous about and I told him as much.

“In all the time I spent with Justin, he never once put me or my feelings first like you do. He never took care of me. He never loved me, not really. And me? I was his enabler. Letting him get away with all the shit he was doing, and making excuses for him. Okay, so we haven’t been together long, but that doesn’t change the way I feel.” I tensed slightly, not sure he was ready to have the whole ‘relationship’ talk. Would it scare him off or freak him out?

“You know he’s gonna make a ton of shit up, do anything he can to come between us. I need to know you’re ready to face that.”

I was ready. I could take any shit Justin threw my way, because I didn’t love him anymore. He couldn’t get to me like he used to. I was stronger on that score.

“He can say what the hell he wants, it won’t make a shred of difference to me. He’s no-one.” I made sure to emphasise that last part, making sure Jackson understood how little Justin’s opinion meant to me now.

He grabbed my chin in his hand and moved my face to look directly at him.

“This isn’t just about sex for me, Ryley.” I took a deep breath to steady myself. “I don’t want to be your rebound guy. I want to be the guy.”

My heart melted into a puddle at my feet, my eyes watering and my lips quivering with emotion.

“You are everything to me. You are the guy.”

He held my face with both hands and kissed me hard, our tongues doing that erotic, sensual dance together as he licked and stroked, tasting me. Devouring me.

“I need you to know, I’m not some punk-ass kid like him who’s gonna fuck this up. At least, I hope I don’t fuck it up. I’m a thirty-one-year-old man, and I know what I want. I want you, Ryley.”