I didn’t bother knocking on her door; I wasn’t going to ask for permission to go in. I needed to see her. Being apart, even though it was just metres, was too painful for me. I had to make her see reason. Understand why I’d done the things I had.
She was sitting on the edge of the bed, hugging her arms around her body as if she was cold, but it wasn’t the temperature of the room that was giving her chills. I knew she was starting to doubt me.
“I know you need space, but I can’t stay out there when you’re in here, thinking God knows what about me. Please, Ryley, I need to talk this through with you. I need you to understand some things.”
She wouldn’t look at me, and that hurt more than anything.
“What things? What is it you think I need to understand? And don’t tell me to keep an open mind, Jackson. I’ve had enough of keeping an open mind and an open heart for all the men in my life.” She looked into my eyes, and what I saw reflected back at me broke something inside me. “What’ve you done?”
I let my head fall forward, feeling the weight of all the guilt dragging me down. Years of hurt, anger, and suffering were rushing to the surface, and I couldn’t control it anymore.
“I did know who you were, that day in my office.”
She shook her head and turned away from me slightly, but I
moved to stand in her line of sight. I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I’d come in here to state my case, and I was going to make damn sure she knew my side of the story.
“Travis was right, they both were. I’ve held a lot of… bitterness towards your family for years. Anger that’s festered inside me, coursing through my veins, spurring me on to take action.”
“Action? What action? Just be honest with me and tell me, what’ve you done?” Her voice was harder now. She was rebuilding those walls I’d managed to break down over the months we’d been together.
“I paid Lilly to fuck up your brother’s life.”
She leant forward, her head in her hands as she gave a regretful sigh.
“And I had the key to the hotel room delivered to his gullible girlfriend. It wasn’t that hard, trust me. Your brother gave in to Lilly’s charms days after meeting her. That whole virtuous act he’s so good at showing everyone is just bullshit.”
“And me?” she whispered. “What’ve you got planned for me?”
I knelt down and took her hands away from her face. “Nothing,” I said, with as much sincerity as I could muster. “I could never hurt you, angel. I will never hurt you. You have my word on that.”
She pulled her hands away from mine, and I felt the twisting pain in my chest intensify.
“But you are hurting me, Jackson. If you hurt my family, you hurt me too. Travis might be weak, but he’s still my brother. I love him. I don’t want to see him in trouble.”
I sat next to her on the bed, hoping our closeness would help her see my point of view. See that there was justification for what I’d done.
“So you knew who I was, that time in your office. What were you going to do, Jackson? Please. I need to know.”
I wanted to be honest with her. If we were going to make this work between us, we needed all of this out in the open, I knew that. I wanted to start afresh. Have a life with her, without fear of what she could find out.
“I knew who you were. I’ve always known you, Ryley. I’m not going to lie to you anymore.” I took a deep breath, before I took that first step off the cliff that could lead to purgatory or salvation.
“I watched Travis for a long time. Watched his movements, where he went, who he hung around with. I employed Lilly to get to your brother, but I also hired a guy named Ed. Ed’s heavily into drugs and other illegal shit, but he came highly recommended, and for what I needed at the time, he was the perfect fit. The plan was to get Travis hooked on drugs, offer him a few tasters and reel him in. He wasn’t interested though, but his friend Justin was all over that shit. I had no idea at first who Justin was, but Ed did the research for me, found out he was your fiancé, and I changed the plan. I couldn’t destroy Travis that way, but I could get to you.”
“You got Justin addicted to drugs to get to me? Why?” She was trembling, and I tried to reach out to her, but she pulled away.
“Ed supplied him, I bank rolled him further. I reeled him in and made his debt spiral out of control, because I knew you’d come to bail him out eventually. I need you to understand one thing though, angel. If you do nothing else today then please just do this. Know that the minute you came into this apartment, the plan was off. I fired Ed, stopped the whole sordid plan. I-”
“You kept me here, with the intention of doing God knows what to me. Why? What is it that’s made you hate us all so much?” She seethed with anger.
“I kept you here because I liked having you around. You made me feel something other than bitter and fucked up. I told Ed to stay away from you. I told him I’d kill him if he ever came within a mile of you again. That night, when he went to your apartment, that wasn’t sanctioned by me. I swear to God, Ryley, I would’ve killed him with my own bare hands if he’d hurt you that night. I wanted my revenge on your father, your brother even; but I don’t hurt women. I’d have never hurt you.”
“There’s different ways of hurting someone, Jackson. It’s not just about violence.”
“I know that.” I sighed. “But you were always safe here, Ryley. You always will be.”
“You wanted to hurt me and my brothers? Jesus, Jackson. Nate is only sixteen, what’s he ever done to you?” She turned to face me, her eyes bulging in fear. “Please tell me you haven’t done anything to Nate. If you’ve hurt my baby brother I won’t ever forgive you.”