This Cruel Love

“I love you too, angel.”

I tried to relax on the drive home. Tried to mentally calm myself after the ordeal of the day, but I couldn’t stop my leg twitching and my stomach from rolling in angst with all of the images and thoughts of ‘what if?’ My mind was flickering from one horror story scenario to another, and my body was stuck on a rollercoaster with no signs of stopping.

I knew Jackson could feel the tension rolling over me, like dirty little waves of fear engulfing the car. So he reached over to put his hand on my twitchy knee and steady my jerky movements. Then territorially, he threaded his fingers through mine and brought my hand to rest with his in his lap, bringing my hand up to kiss the back of it every now and then and remind me I was safe. It did help to ease my anxiety somewhat. Just being close to me, Jackson had the power to soothe my mind and body, but today, being around me wasn’t an easy job. My stress levels were through the roof and I didn’t know how to control them.

Once we were safely inside the cocoon that was his apartment, he pulled me close and held me tightly against him.

“I’ll run you a bath,” he said as he buried his face into my hair and nipped along the side of my neck.

“Only if you’ll join me,” I teased, and he gave a deep, throaty laugh that went straight to my heart, and other places I wanted him to be.

“That goes without saying.”

He pulled me down the hallway into his bedroom then sat me down on the bed and kissed the top of my head like I was a child.

“Wait here. I’ll come and get you when it’s ready.”

I didn’t say a word, just watched him stride into the bathroom, his body movements sleek and fluid like a panther. How could one person take over your whole life in such a short space of time?

Moments later, he strode back in, and the smile he gave me melted my heart.

“It’s ready for you,” he said, holding his hand out for me to take.

I lifted myself off the bed and went to him, taking his hand, but wrapping my arm around his to nestle in to him.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I said candidly, willingly putting myself out there, vulnerable, but trusting all the same.

“Luckily for you, you’ll never have to worry about that,” he replied, snaking his other arm around my back. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He slowly walked me into the bathroom, where the sweet smell of essential oils and other bathroom treats hung in the air.

“I never had you tagged as a bath luxuries kinda guy,” I joked.

“I bought them for you.”

For the first time ever, I thought I detected a blush on his tanned, stubbly cheeks.

“That’s so sweet.”

He was so thoughtful. He hadn’t been out today to buy them, so when exactly had he got them? He really was full of mystery. Jackson never ceased to amaze me. Just when I thought I had him pinned down, he did something totally out of character. Well, the character I thought he had, and threw a curveball like this.

“Come on, angel. Let’s get in and wash away the filth from today.” I flinched as he spoke, realising in those split seconds before, I’d actually put the whole ordeal to the back of my mind for a bit. But straight away it was surging forward and tugging on my insides again with a twisted grip. “It won’t always feel as raw as it does now. Trust me, the pain dulls eventually. We need to make sure you get some professional help though, otherwise the pain and anger will eat you up inside, and I don’t want that for you.”

I could read between the lines well enough. He didn’t want me to go down the same road he had when his father had died. He didn’t want me to have a life filled with resentment and revenge.

“I’m not the only one that could use a little help,” I said, and held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t bite back.

“I know that. I think we could help each other, go to counselling together. Would that be something you could-?”

He didn’t need to finish. “I’d love that. I want to help you. I want us to help each other.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and reached up on my tiptoes to kiss him softly on the lips. “I’m in this for the long haul. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

He grinned down at me like I’d just given him the fucking universe with that one statement, then he shook his head. “You know, when I dragged you into my life I had absolutely no idea you’d become my whole world. I should be sorry after all the shit you’ve gone through because of me, but I’m not. All that shit brought you to me, and I’ll never let you go, Ryley. I’ll never let you down, not ever.”

His words had me gasping for breath. For someone who claimed he was a bad communicator, he sure knew how to knock me off balance with his words.

“I flipping love you,” I sighed, as I pushed those angry demons from today back down, and decided it was better to get lost in the demon in front of me. Only he wasn’t a demon anymore, he was my dark angel. Dark because he had his own demons he needed to face, and dark because he hadn’t fully embraced the happiness I knew we could have. But the light of hope shining over us was long overdue. He was my dark and I was his light, his yin to my yang. Perfectly imperfect and beautifully broken, but there was hope within both of us, and that’s all anyone needs to work their way back to life.

He loosened his tie and slipped it from his neck, then unbuttoned his shirt, throwing it to the ground and standing before me with his smooth, toned abs on show. His delicious happy trail just begged to be touched and stroked, hinting at the happy ending it led to.