This Cruel Love

Now he wants my family. He’s like a fucking magpie. He’s seen something sparkly and he wants it. To hell with the aftermath, he doesn’t care. He wants Nina and Ryley to move in with him. Over my dead body. He might’ve fooled my Nina, but he won’t get his hands on RiRi. She’s my little girl.

I took a deep, steady breath in and opened the car door. Stepping out onto the gravel drive, the small stones crunched under my feet. Much like my heart crunched under Nina’s feet when she told me she was leaving me this morning. I hadn’t been the best husband lately, I got that. I’d taken my eye off the ball, taken her for granted and left her vulnerable to the charms of a chancer like Rob. If I could have gone back and changed things, I would have. I’d have worked less hours, been there for her, listened to her. But hindsight was a cruel motherfucker. Now, I had to do whatever damage limitation I could, and that involved keeping the kids with me. Safe in the home they’d grown up in, secure in their own beds. If Nina wanted to leave I couldn’t stop her, but when it came to the kids I would fight tooth and nail to keep them under my roof. They were mine and I’d be damned if I let another man take over my role. No matter who he was.

I knocked on the door, and when Rob opened it, his face fell.

“Shit. Man, I don’t know what to say to you,” was all he could manage. The fucker couldn’t even look me in the eye.

“Letting me in so we can talk would be a start.”

I could feel my body shaking uncontrollably, going into shock, or was it fury? I couldn’t tell, but I sure as hell wasn’t gonna show him the effect this was having on me. I had to keep a clear head. Well, as clear as I could considering my whole fucking world was on the line here.

He stood back and opened the door wider, so I tentatively stepped over the threshold, making my way to his study. I didn’t know if Jackson was here, and I didn’t want him overhearing anything I had to say. Rob’s study was the farthest away, the most private. We’d spent many hours in the past in there, drinking whiskey and chatting complete shit. Not today. Today, I was here with a clear focus, a purpose. He wasn’t gonna get what he wanted. This was not going to go his way.

He didn’t ask me if I wanted a drink, just poured me a generous helping of his best whiskey and sat down behind his desk. I dropped into the seat opposite and took a heavy swig to settle my nerves or rage, whatever.

“I’m sorry, man. We didn’t do this to hurt you. It just kinda happened.”

“Spare me the bullshit, Rob. We both know you could’ve stopped it at any time. You both could’ve. I’m not here to listen to your sorry excuses. What’s done is done.”

“So, why are you here?”

He wasn’t shaking like me; he wasn’t nervous. This guy had some big fucking balls to sit opposite me and act like all this was run of the fucking mill for him. He was breaking up a family, my family. But he was sitting in his chair like it was nothing but a walk in the park.

“You wanna hit me?” I swear he smirked after he spoke, then tried to hide it like the asshole he was. “I was expecting a right hook when I opened the door, but then you always were too laidback for your own good.” He sat back like he was some kind of mafia Godfather, all false bravado and fake power.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What? Because I’m laidback I fucking deserved this? You’re a piece of shit, Caine.” I threw the last of my whiskey back, revelling in the burn down my throat. Anything to take away the pain in my heart. When I slammed the tumbler back down, he grinned. The fucker actually grinned at me.

“Is that all you came here to tell me? That I’m a piece of shit because I fell in love with her? Well, here’s a newsflash for you, I already know. Trust me, I feel like the biggest asshole, but I love her, Harry. I can’t give her up. Not for you, or anyone.” With that, his mask slipped and I saw what he was really hiding. The guilt. The shame. He was putting on an act, pretending to be cool about it, when in reality he was hurting as much as I was.

“I know my words aren’t worth shit to you right now, Harry, but I am sorry. I don’t expect you to ever want to see or speak to me again. I know I wouldn’t if I were in your shoes. Shit, things just happened and it all spiralled out of control. I knew it was wrong, we both did, but we couldn’t stop it.”

“I really don’t need a blow by blow account of how it happened. I have enough sick fucking scenarios floating around in my mind to keep me awake for years.”

I sneered at him as he started to unravel before me. His leg twitched with a nervous tic and his skin flushed like he was burning up.

“I came here today because you need to know that I’m not losing the kids. I don’t care what Nina says, or what she thinks is gonna happen. Ryley stays with me. They both do.”

He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, tilting his head up to the ceiling. Then he let out a slow breath through his mouth and looked straight at me.

“She won’t leave her behind. You and I both know that. She’s okay with Travis staying with you. He’s older, and she doesn’t want to disrupt his exams.” He shook his head. “But Ryley? She won’t leave her with you.”

“She won’t have a choice.” I was going to fight this one every step of the way.

“What are you gonna do? Take her to court? Break both your fucking hearts so you can have this victory?”

“This isn’t about victory. You think this is a victory for me? I love that little girl more than anything. She’s mine. I’d rather die than see her living under another man’s roof. Victory? I’ll make this a motherfucking war, you mark my words.”

He looked shaken now, like I’d just turned the tables on his sick game.

“I can’t lose her, Harry. I love her. But I know if she thinks she’s going to lose Ryley, she’ll leave me. Is that what this is about? You throwing your weight around, using the kids as bait to get her back?”

I choked on thin air. “Bait? These are my fucking kids, Rob. They’re not bait, they’re my fucking life. I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep them with me. This isn’t about you and her anymore. This is about my kids’ happiness. Do you think I want Ryley around you when you’re going through one of your dark phases?”

He lowered his head, acknowledging the reality of what he had to offer. “Jackson copes okay.”

“He shouldn’t have to. God knows we’ve done our best over the years to shield that kid, but he suffers living here.”