Fractured Minds (Rebels of Sandland 3)

My heart caught in my throat, and an overpowering sickness washed over me. But she carried on, choosing to stare at the floor instead of look at me and see the hurt in my eyes.

“Sandland is nothing but a black hole of memories I’d rather forget. It’s a town with no hope, no future as far as I can see. And now he’s back, it’s even worse. It’s unbearable. You’re the only thing that’s kept me tied to this place, but I can’t stay here anymore. Not now. I’m praying to God you feel the same way.” She took a deep breath and then raised her head to look right at me. “Come with me, Finn. Let’s go somewhere that no one knows us. Start again. Be whoever we want to be without his vileness dragging us down.”

I knew what she wanted, and it pained me to see her beg like this. I understood her completely, I always did. But her solution was to run and hide. I couldn’t do that. Not anymore.

“I can’t.” I reached my hand out to take hers and she let me, rubbing her thumb over my knuckles as I dug deep within me to try and think of what to say to make this better. She shouldn’t have to leave. He was the one who needed to go. Not her.

“Why won’t you come with me? You always used to say you’d do anything to make me happy. Why won’t you do this?” Right then, she’d switched to her child-like façade, the one she chose to hide behind when things got too rough. She was disappointed that I wouldn’t see things the way she wanted me to see them, and this was her way of trying to gently manipulate me.

I knew Alice had a lot of her childhood stolen from her. She didn’t act or see things in the way most adults her age did. But I couldn’t hold that against her. She was a woman-child for a reason. With adulthood came responsibility, with that came expectations, and Alice struggled with all of it. He might have robbed her of her innocence, but the child from years ago still lived inside her today, and she refused to leave the safety of Alice’s mind. Like a frightened little girl, hiding behind a cupboard or a wardrobe, she lingered but never fully stepped out because of the fear that trapped her there.

“We’re not kids anymore, Alice.” She flinched at my words hitting a little too close to home, striking with an honesty she wasn’t open to accepting. “As much as I want to move on from what happened and be there for you, I need to stay here. This is my home. My friends are here. I have a life.”

“And what about me? What about my life?” She dropped my hand and recoiled back into herself. A coping mechanism she’d honed over the years.

“Our lives were tainted by his evil. Our history distorted to feed his sickness. But we can’t let him have the future. I want a future here, Al. If I get rid of him, if I make him pay, we can find a way to move on.”

I felt justified in what I’d said. Sandland was my home. He was the intruder. But my words weren’t hitting home like I’d hoped. Alice just shook her head as if she were trying to deflect my thoughts from penetrating her consciousness.

“I can’t move on. Not here. I’ve been feeling like this for ages now, but him coming back, it’s confirmed things for me. I can’t be here anymore. Sandland is a graveyard of misery. If I stay, I’ll be the next one to be buried. I’m dying here.”

I didn’t want her misery to drag her down further. I had to think about what was best for both of us. I wouldn’t be able to bear the weight of guilt if anything happened to her. Maybe Alice leaving Sandland, getting as far away from him as she could, was the right thing to do. Even if it felt like a cut from a thousand knives to my already battered heart. For her, it was the only solution, and I’d have to accept that.

“Where would you go?” I asked, hoping she’d think about it and start to see some of the obstacles in her way.

“I’ve got a friend that lives over at Brinton Manor. She said I can stay there.”

This was the first I’d heard about it.

“What friend? I’ve never heard you talk about a friend from there before.”

“Her name’s Danya. She can’t wait for me to stay with her.” Alice started to chatter away about this friend of hers, and the infectious way she talked about it made me warm slightly towards the idea of her leaving. Her eyes sparkled as she spoke and she sat taller, prouder. That wasn’t something Alice did often. I was pissed that this was the first time I was hearing about this Danya girl, but I could never stay cross at Alice for long. She had her secrets too, obviously. Like my secret. My Effy.

“Sounds like your mind’s made up already. Why Brinton Manor, though? It’s a shithole town. Can’t you both go somewhere new? Why would you want to stay there?”

Brinton Manor was the town next to Sandland, and we’d all avoided it like the plague. Their issues made ours look like child’s play. It was the kind of town even the police steered clear of, mainly down to one factor.

The Soldiers of Anarchy.

They were a gang, much like ourselves, but they didn’t bring anything to their manor other than destruction, hatred and terror. They didn’t throw parties like we did. They didn’t strive to make their town better. All they created was mayhem. They hated us and we hated them, but there was an unspoken rule between Sandland and Brinton Manor. We stayed out of each other’s patch. That way, we kept the peace. It was a volatile peace, but it had worked so far. I wasn’t quite sure whether that would last if I had to go there to visit my sister though. But that was an issue for another day.

“It’s better than Sandland.”

“Is it? Last I heard, their streets weren’t safe to walk during the day, let alone at night.” Alice had been cosseted for the most part by me. I don’t even think she knew who the Soldiers of Anarchy were.

“It’s not safe for strangers maybe… But I wouldn’t be walking the streets on my own, would I? Danya’s offered to help me. Finn, she’s special. More than just a friend.”

I wasn’t ready for her to elaborate on what more than a friend meant. She was still my sister, after all.

“If you need to leave, I understand, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you. But I can’t come with you.” I hated letting her down, but it was the only way. “I wouldn’t even know how to start again. I’m barely holding on as it is.”

“I’d help you. We’d be there for each other. Plus, Danya would help us. You’ll love her, Finn. She’s so kind and caring and––” I cut her off. I was in pain, and this conversation was making it worse.

“No. I won’t leave. I can’t,” I stated firmly. When it came to Alice, you always needed to make things clear. She had a way of sulking to try and get her own way, but you had to be cruel to be kind. As child-like as she was, she couldn’t manipulate me. Not this time. Not now.

“Are you going to stop your crusade?” she said, scowling at me. “You do know it’s a kamikaze mission you’re on? I want to see him pay for what he did, but I don’t think that’s a choice we can make. Not in this lifetime. Neither one of us has the strength left in us to take him on. Who wants to fight the devil when they’ve been broken down so much by him, time and time again? Haven’t you learnt yet? He always wins.” He wouldn’t this time. “We have to create our own victories. And getting as far away from this place is the biggest one we could make.”

“For you maybe, not me. I’ll never give up.”