w furrowed when she saw the drawing of an apple and a chocolate bar. She narrowed her gaze as she looked to the side at me.
“I know everything you do has a special meaning, but I have no idea what this one is.” She held the card up as she spoke and I just shrugged.
“Read it.” I knew it’d all become clear to her the moment she did.
So she opened the card and read aloud.
“You thought nobody saw you put that apple and chocolate bar into Elliot Small’s pocket when Brandon tripped him over in the school cafeteria. But I did. I notice everything about you. And now, I want to tell you all the things that make you special.” Her voice cracked slightly, but she carried on reading. “Reason number one, you do kind things for others, even when they don’t know it was done by you. You’re the most selfless person I know, and I love that about you.”
She gasped and put her hand over her mouth. I could see the shine in her eyes. She wanted to cry, but she didn’t. Not yet. She took a deep breath, closed the card, and then without looking at me, she said, “That’s so sweet, Finn.”
“Keep going,” I urged, eager for her to open the rest of them. “There’s seventeen more there that I worked on last night.”
She beamed and placed the first card down on the bed next to her then moved to card number two. I’d drawn a gift-wrapped heart on the front, and when she opened and read this one, she started to choke up.
“To everyone who knows you, you are a gift. The day Danny died, you put everything aside to be there for your best friend, Emily. At the funeral, I was watching you from the back and I saw you change seats to sit by Em and hold her hand, even though her dad asked you not to sit at the front. You didn’t care about breaking protocol, you wanted to support her. You always put others before yourself. You’re everyone’s rock, and I love that about you. But I hope, that one day, I can be that rock for you.” She sniffed and glanced over at me. “You give me strength even though you don’t realise it, Finn. You always have.”
I shrugged my shoulders and huffed flippantly like it meant nothing, but hearing her say that made my heart swell and my throat close up. I don’t know what strength she thought I’d given her, but I’d take it.
“I think I’m gonna be a wreck by the time I get to number eighteen,” she joked and placed card two with the first.
The third one she opened had her smiling face beaming back at her, but I’d given it an Andy Warhol twist. There were about twelve grinning Effys staring at her from that card.
“Don’t panic,” I told her. “This one’s a happy one.”
She took deep breaths to calm herself, bit her lip nervously and then opened it to read aloud.
“You have so many different smiles, and each one gives me butterflies. The gentle smile, when you think no one is watching and you’re smiling for yourself. But I see it. The sweet smile that makes your eyes sparkle. It makes my stomach flip over too. The laughing smile, when your whole face lights up. It sets my soul on fire. The genuine smile that you give to all your friends. I love that nothing about you is fake. But my favourite smile of all is the one I see when you see me. That’s my smile.”
I fiddled nervously with my fingernails and started to second guess myself. Had I used the word love too many times? Were my words too soppy? Was I being a total loser?
“I love your smiles too. I’m glad I get to see more of them these days.” She took a deep breath and moved onto card number four, clearly struggling with her emotions after opening and reading the first three.
This one had a picture of her playing with Luna in the park on the front.
“I love the way you draw her. You always capture her playful side,” she said as she touched the picture like it was the most precious thing she owned.
“And yours too,” I said, nudging her, and she gave a happy sigh in response.
“One of my favourite memories,” she read. “Was when I saw you in the park one day, playing with your dog. You didn’t see me and I was glad because I was enjoying watching you be so carefree. I loved the cute voice you used whenever she jumped up and the way you scrunched your nose up when she rolled around in the mud then shook herself and drenched you with it. You didn’t get angry. You never do. You have a patience and grace that makes everyone around you feel safe and loved. You have a way about you that makes everyone want to be near you, just so they can experience your light, even if it’s just for a moment. I’ve had more than my fair share of your light, and I pray that it never ends.”
“It never will.” She sniffed, not even trying to hold back her tears now.
I sat and watched her open card after card that told her all the reasons that I loved her. From the way she wrinkled her face up when she was thinking about something, to the compassion in her eyes when she was listening to others. The fact that she’d drop everything if someone needed her, and the way she stayed focused on her goals and never gave up. She’d never given up on me, and for that I would always be eternally grateful.
When she eventually came to the last card, I felt emotionally drained, and yet, this was the most important one of them all. On this one, I’d drawn the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. Having a sister called Alice meant the story was as familiar to me as anything. We’d had several versions of the book in our house growing up and it’d always fascinated me. For this picture, I’d drawn the White Rabbit holding his pocket watch, checking the time.
“I love this, Finn. I love all of it.” She was shaking and I wanted to put my arms around her, but I also needed her to read this last message. “Okay, here goes nothing. I’m a nervous wreck now anyway, but something tells me you’re gonna slay me with this last card.”
I smirked to myself. One of us was getting slayed. I really hoped it wasn’t me. Then, I held my breath as she opened it up and began reading.
“I’ve wasted so many years. Thrown away such precious time. Today that all comes to an end.” She frowned and looked up at me. “It doesn’t say anything else. I don’t get it.”
“Look on the back,” I said, twisting my finger in the air as a sign for her to turn it around.
“Okay. Today it all comes to an end…” She turned it round. “Effy Spencer, the sweetest, kindest girl I know… Will you be my girlfriend?” She stared at the words on the paper, blinking and breathing slow and steady. “Is this real? Do you really mean this?”
I grabbed her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me.