And we did.
I’d never not need her. She was my everything.
“Just promise me one thing, Finn. Promise me you’ll talk to me. When it all gets too much… and it will… don’t shut me out. Talk. About Zak, Alice, you, anything. I’m here and I want to help.”
“I promise.” I sighed. “And the same goes for you too.” I tried to smile, but it was useless. And I wondered whether the weight of guilt was ever going to ease up. Most days, I already felt like I was drowning. Now the waves had grown so big I wasn’t sure I even had the energy to tackle them anymore. But I was lucky. Luckier than I might’ve been if she wasn’t here. She was the anchor, the buoy that kept me afloat. And there was one thing I was certain of… I wanted my happily ever after with her. I felt like we’d earnt it.
One Week Later
Had it really only been a week since the fire? It felt more like a month. Granted, it had been the longest week we’d ever lived through, and we’d spent most of it at the hospital, alternating between trips to see Harper and the babies and sitting with Zak’s parents, waiting on news.
We weren’t allowed to see Zak. The risk of infection was too great, and only the immediate family were allowed limited access to the ward where he was. He was stable, for now, but his life had taken a drastic turn for the worse. It was going to take months, maybe even years for him to heal and start to live a normal life. The cheeky, fun-loving flirt that we all knew had died in that fire. In a way, a part of all of us died that night too.
The fire service confirmed what we all knew, it was arson. Someone had set fire to a pile of boxes that’d been stacked up in a room just off the main dance area. There were no witnesses and nobody came forward with any leads worth following, but we knew who it was, and the soldiers were marked men.
The police were keeping their investigation open for now. They’d interviewed us all, but we were cleared of any wrongdoing. They could’ve prosecuted us for the party and for endangering the people who’d come, but they didn’t. Not yet, anyway. Maybe they thought we’d been through enough? Or maybe, police officer, Tom Riley, was back to pulling more favours for us behind the scenes? We didn’t know, and we were too exhausted to question it.
As for me, I was still taking each day as it came. Knowing my uncle was gone didn’t really make the demons living in my head disappear like I always thought they would’ve. Those fuckers had dug their claws in, set up camp for what they assumed was a lifetime, and they wouldn’t leave. Not without a fight. I would have to work damn hard to get rid of them, but I was ready for it. I was ready to face my demons head-on to get through this and earn my peaceful future with the girl I loved. Peaceful being the operative word. The noises in my brain were dulling slightly, but I wanted the silence I’d projected over the years to reach my head. I craved the healing that Effy told me was possible. She’d looked into counselling and I was coming round to the idea, slowly.
I knew that one day I would have to admit what’d happened to me and Alice to someone else. Relive those years and face the truth to finally bury it. But that day wasn’t today. Today, we were at Harper and Brandon’s apartment, because Harper and the babies had been allowed to leave the hospital. We all wanted to be here to help them settle the girls into their new home. Anything to put a smile on our faces, no matter how temporary that happiness was. We all needed a reminder that life could be good, and no matter what was happening in our own lives, the sun was still shining.
We all sat together in their living room, and considering what we’d all been through over the past few days, there was an unusual air of calm about the place. I supposed babies had that effect on people. Made them forget about the world for a while.
They were tiny, and so absolutely perfect. Brandon couldn’t take his eyes off them and was loath to let anyone else hold them, but that didn’t last long.
“I need to cuddle one of them. I didn’t come all this way to watch you, Brandon,” Emily joked. “I can see you any day.”
“Okay, but be careful with her head,” Brandon said, and Emily huffed out a laugh.
“I do know how to hold a baby.” When she pretended to drop her as Brandon passed her over, it didn’t go down well, and he gave her a wicked stare.
“I will be changing the godmother status if behaviour like that carries on,” he said.
“You wouldn’t? I mean… I was joking… I wouldn’t––”
“Relax. We trust you,” he butted in. “Like we could ever have anyone else. We want you, Ryan, Finn, and Effy. We’ll have Zak too, but that might have to wait a while.”
We all went silent, thinking about our friend still fighting for his life in the hospital. And what kind of life would it be when he did eventually pull through? The doctors might’ve said he was stable, but to us, that didn’t mean shit. He was still hurting, and his life would never be the same again.
“I’d hunt you down if you chose someone else,” Emily said, breaking through the tension that’d settled over us. Then she sighed and kissed the baby’s head, sniffing her like she was fresh air. Why did women do that?
Harper passed the other baby to me and I sat still and stiff, feeling like I’d got a rod shoved up my back. I was scared to move in case I did something to hurt her, she was so delicate.
“So, who have I got here?” Emily asked in a sing-song voice.
“That’s Phoebe. Phoebe Kate,” Brandon announced proudly. “And over here with Uncle Finn is Esme Grace.” Brandon hovered over me, stroking Esme’s head.
“They’re so tiny,” Effy whispered, reaching over to stroke Esme and hold her little hand with her finger. “Tiny and perfect.”
“With a perfect set of lungs on them at three a.m.,” Harper joked back.
“Aren’t you getting much sleep?” Emily asked.
“Not really. Brandon helps, but I’m feeding them myself, so there isn’t much he can do.”
“How was he at the birth?” Ryan asked, smirking at Brandon.
“He was amazing. I gave him some grief apparently, told him to never come near me again, but I honestly don’t remember that. All I remember is his voice was the only one I could hear at the end. He got me through it.” She glanced up at him as he went to stand next to her and bent down to kiss her. The love they had for each other was evident in both their eyes.