Renegade Hearts (Rebels of Sandland 1)

We drove back to her house in silence. She let out the occasional huff, probably to tell me how fucked-off she was, but I liked the little noises she made. They had the opposite effect on me. When I pulled up outside her house, I shut the engine off and she got out of the car without saying a word.

“Aren’t you gonna thank me for the ride home?” I asked, getting out to follow her.

She spun round to face me, standing at the bottom of her drive and scowling. “Thanking you would mean I’m grateful, which I’m not. I was only at that hospital because you and your dumbass friends dragged me there. It wasn’t the way I’d wanted to spend my night.”

I stopped right in front of her, making sure to stand a few steps too close. I liked pushing her outside of her comfort zone. I liked the way her eyes lit up when I got too near. “I’m sorry it was such a disappointment for you. Maybe I can do something to make up for it?”

“Like what? Blow yourself up? Drive off a cliff? Ooo… The possibilities are endless.” She tapped her lip in thought and I stared. I couldn’t take my eyes off those plump pink lips of hers. The possibilities were indeed endless, sweetheart.

“You did us all a solid tonight. And I’m not just talking about the hospital.” I bent down to look her in the eyes, running my fingers through my hair to give my restless hands something to do. “I never thought you’d go against Daddy like you did. Not for us. Those pictures you took… That was above and beyond. I’ve underestimated you.”

I don’t know what came over me, but I reached forward to touch her face, cup her cheek and run my thumb across her bottom lip. She felt so soft, so delicate, and it was killing me how much I wanted to have this girl. Wrap her up, make her mine and never let go.

I leant down, expecting her to melt into me for our first kiss. Shit, my heart was beating like crazy. I felt like I’d explode if I didn’t kiss her now; lock this down and give her what she wanted. What we both wanted. But no sooner had I leant forward than she took a step back and the look of revulsion on her face had me second guessing everything.

She hated me.

“I didn’t do it for you,” she spat. “If my dad is into some shady shit, I wanna know. I’ll do anything to help. But let’s get one thing straight… None of it was for you. I’m doing this for me.”

I stood there with my mouth hanging open like a fucking freak as she stepped backwards, away from me, then turned and headed towards her front door. She didn’t look back, not even when she shut the damn thing. Just waltzed off like I hadn’t just put my whole heart on the line

, laid myself bare and fucking crashed and burned spectacularly. Thank God the others weren’t here to see it. I’d cracked open the doors to my stone-cold heart for her and what had she done? She’d ripped the bloody hinges off, ransacked it and then walked away, tossing the proverbial match behind her to set fire to the ruins. Only thing was, she wasn’t about to destroy me.

Her fire only fanned my flames.

Her demons fired up my own.

And I realised in that moment, Emily fucking Winters was all I’d ever want.

She was it for me.

I barely slept that night. Thoughts of what Nurse Constance had said swirled around in my brain, clouding my judgment and twisting my reasons. Images of Brandon and his wicked intent made my stomach burn with the cloaked insinuations and seedy undertone. But it was Ryan that really consumed me in every way possible.

I never knew where I was with him. Never knew where I stood. One minute, he’d be scaring me or taunting me, the next, I felt sure he was gonna kiss me. I replayed our last conversation over and over again, analysing every look, every word, and don’t even get me started on the touches. Ryan touching me had always felt like a shock to the system. But last night, when he put his hand on my cheek and rubbed across my lip, I felt like I was dying and being brought back to life all in one go. It was all too much. Too intense. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t focus. It took every last bit of resolve I had to claw myself back and not fall into his trap.

Because it was a trap, right? Why else would a guy like Ryan be teasing a girl like me?

Looking into his eyes and seeing that need, it scared me. I moved away, because it was the only response my lizard brain could conjure up.

Fight or flight.

In a way, I chose both. I walked away from him, but not before giving him a parting shot and putting him in his place. I let him know that I’d made my choice. The choice Constance willed me to make before I left the hospital.

I chose me.

My dad was doing something shady, that wasn’t even up for discussion, and I’d find out what it was. But not because Ryan asked me to. I was doing it for me. For my family. I needed to safeguard my own life. When the shit hit the fan, and it would, I wanted to make sure my family weren’t in the firing line. I didn’t want to put my future on the line, not for anyone. And if my dad was dumb enough to drop the ball and have the likes of the Renaissance men sniffing around his business, then I didn’t trust that he’d be able to save me or my mum when push came to shove. I needed to know what was going on.

Where did that money come from?

Knowledge was power, and when the powers in my dad’s life came knocking for answers, I wanted to be ready.

I was sitting in a local café with my girls, analysing the night before and trying to get my head around what had happened the last few weeks. Things were never dull these days, that was for sure.

“So, you went to the hospital…” Liv sneered as she spoke.

“Yes.”

“With Brandon Mathers.”