“Well, they’re not here. I am. And I like the way you talk to me. I like your bubbles.”
“My bubbles?” He chuckled and frowned at me. “Okay, is that some sort of chick code ‘cos I have no idea what that means.”
“It means I like being with you. Just you. You and me. Us.” I sighed. “Now I feel like the loser.”
I grabbed a handful of fries and shoved them in my mouth, hoping they’d help with the verbal diarrhoea I seemed to have developed tonight.
“Since Mum died it’s been hard to open up to anyone,” he said, glancing back down again. I could tell he found it hard to talk about his mum, like I found it hard to talk about Danny, but he was trying. With me, he was making the effort, putting himself out there. “I’ve spent years hanging with other guys,” he added. “And I gotta admit, this… With you… It’s all new to me. But I like it. I can be myself with you.”
“Good. I feel the same.”
He looked across at me, and we held our gaze, smiling a knowing smile. Like secrets were passing between us that we didn’t need to say out loud. Our little bubble.
“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” he said, and I nodded, feeling the most relaxed I’d felt in days.
We finished eating our food in a comfortable silence, both of us grinning to ourselves. It felt nice to know I saw a part of Ryan no one else ever did. A part he hadn’t been able to show the world since the tragedy of losing his mum. It made me feel special, considering how close he was to the Renaissance men. I swallowed my last mouthful and asked the question that’d bugged me for years.
“Why do you call yourselves the Renaissance men? It’s a really shitty name.”
He threw his head back and laughed.
“It is. Wasn’t my idea though. I think Brandon came up with that one and Finn thought it was cool. You know, arty. Me and Zak thought it was a load of bollocks.”
“It is.” I laughed, starting to realise that Ryan Hardy wasn’t the opinionated asshole I’d thought he was.
“Why do you call yourselves the Renegade girls?”
I almost choked on my chocolate milkshake.
“Oh my God. We don’t. None of us have ever used that nickname, ever.”
“That’s not what Liv told Zak at the bonfire.”
I covered my face and shook my head with shame.
“No wonder he never called her back. What a dumb thing to say.”
Ryan pulled my hands down away from my face as he laughed. “Listen, Zak’s my mate. I’ve got his back, but I don’t think he’s the right fit for Liv.”
“The right fit?” I felt my brow furrow, trying to think why on earth Liv wasn’t a good fit for anyone. She was awesome. “Why?”
“Because he’s a player. He changes girls faster than most people change their underwear.”
Yeah, I’d already seen that side of him for myself, and those niggly little doubts crept into my brain again. “And you?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“I’m not Zak.” He reached over and stroked down the side of my face. “I never will be.”
I froze, tense with anticipation. Was he going to kiss me again? He looked down at my lips, then licked his own and stroked his thumb across my cheek. I was putty in his hands.
“Can I show you something?” he asked, and my heart thudded in my chest, thinking what exactly it was he wanted to show me in this van, while he was holding my face and we were having a moment.
I nodded, unable to form words and he pulled away, starting the engine and leaving me feeling a little deflated.
Get a grip, Em. What did you think he was gonna do? Whip his dick out in the car park of a family fast food restaurant and say, “Get a load of this.” I was seriously losing it.
He drove us across town, always sticking to the speed limit and glancing my way every so often to check I was okay. He didn’t need to say why. Danny.
When he pulled up outside a rundown old building I frowned.