Renegade Hearts (Rebels of Sandland 1)

“I’m not playing a fucking game. All I’m asking for is a chance. I want a chance to make you happy. Ryan had his turn, now it’s mine.”

He sounded like a spoilt kid fighting over a toy. He was un-fucking-believable.

“Oh my God! I’m not some prize you can pass around.” Did he really think that’s how adult relationships worked? You wanted your turn, so you threw your toys out of the pram to get it?

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just letting you know you have other options.”

“Options? What the fuck, Brandon? This is messed up. I don’t love you. I don’t even like you. I wouldn’t be with you even if you were the last man on earth. That’s never going to change. Trust me.”

He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, I could see the old Brandon was back in play. The one who used hate as a weapon to protect himself.

“You think Ryan’s so special, don’t you? You think he’s all that. Do you know he only went out with you for revenge? He took one for the team. He dated you so we could get what we needed out of you. It was all about your father, never about you. You meant nothing to him. That day, when you broke down in your car and Ryan saved you, he set that up. Everything he’s done was to get to the truth. He doesn’t love you, Emily. He never has. It was all lies.”

I knew he was lashing out. Seconds ago he’d told me Ryan loved me. Now he was trying to turn me against him. It wouldn’t work.

“Save your breath. I know everything,” I said, praying to God he wouldn’t come out with anything else to challenge that theory. “I know he used me at the start and I know it was you guys who chased me, hounded me until I caved in. You wanted to break my father and you didn’t care whether I broke too. But none of that matters now. I don’t need to justify myself to you or anyone else. Ryan loves me. I know that. I love him too. But you? You’re nothing. You live your life to make others feel worthless. You’re like a leech, feeding off of other people’s happiness. I won’t let you do that to me or Ryan. Nothing you say will change the way I feel about him. What we have is stronger than that.”

Something deep within him snapped and he lurched forward again, trying to grab me.

“What the fuck is going on?”

Brandon’s eyes widened at the bellowing voice and he swung his head round to face Zak and Finn who stood in the doorway. I stayed rooted to the spot. I didn’t think I needed words to defend myself. My actions had said enough.

“I’m giving her a few home truths.” Brandon smiled that evil smile he usually saved for his opponents in the ring. “She needs to know where she stands. I told her Ryan used her.” He took another step back and shrugged like it was nothing. Zak and Finn looked

like they’d been slapped in the face.

“You know he’s going to kill you when he finds out?” Zak said to Brandon, then he turned to address me. “It’s not true, Em. He didn’t use you.”

“I know the truth.” I walked over to the door, feeling safer next to Zak and Finn than I did with Brandon. “And it’s okay. He wanted to use me, but it’s more than that now.” I looked back at Brandon. “It doesn’t matter what anyone says or does, it won’t change how I feel.”

“Did he hurt you?” Zak said in a low voice.

“If a kiss can hurt, then yes, he hurt me.” I wanted to get that last twist of the knife in. Brandon didn’t deserve to be defended. He was good enough at deflecting the blows that came his way, so I happily threw in one of my own.

“The fuck?” Zak’s nostril’s flared and he marched into the room. “You kissed Emily? Are you fucking insane? Do you want to shit over everything we’ve built?”

Brandon narrowed his eyes at me as he spoke to Zak. “She knows why I did it. She needed to know. I won’t apologise for it. I was letting her know there are other roads in life. She doesn’t need to settle.”

I almost choked on thin air. “Fuck you, Brandon. If I settled for you I’d be letting myself in for a lifetime of misery. I think I deserve better than that. Don’t you?”

I didn’t want to stay around for the encore. I’d had enough confrontation for one night and I hoped I’d made my stance pretty clear where Brandon Mathers was concerned. The devil himself would’ve been a more appealing life partner than him. At least with that fucker you knew what you were getting in to.

The moment Finn told me she’d seen it all was the moment my whole world came crashing down around me. I should’ve known she’d find a way to get to the truth. She’d always been headstrong, but I’d hoped I’d covered my tracks well enough to buy me a bit more time. Assuming she’d gone to Effy’s for the night, I’d blanked out the pain of betrayal and focused on what I had to do. But looking back now, she’d never actually told me outright that she was there. She didn’t tell me anything and now I was trying to piece together the shattered parts from the fall-out.

I’d resigned myself to the fact that she’d blame me. I hadn’t told her, and I knew deep down I should’ve. She had every right to know, but I’d been blindsided by years of plotting a revenge plan. When the others told me about Danny, I was shocked, but if I was completely honest with myself, it didn’t surprise me. It tore my fucking heart out, but it was no surprise. Emily’s dad was ruthless. He didn’t care who he hurt in his scramble to the top. He was the guy who’d step over anyone and everyone to get there. Emily didn’t deserve to have such a shitty father, neither did Danny, or the secret kid he’d kept hidden from the world.

My only goal now was to find Emily. She needed me. Finding out that her whole life was built on a web of seedy, tacky lies would be killing her. I knew my girl and she’d be going through a whole maelstrom of emotions; anger, guilt, hurt, betrayal. Thinking of her facing that alone broke my heart. I had to be there for her, even if she wanted to use me as her punching bag, I’d take it. As long as she kept talking to me, that was the main thing. Talking so she could heal.

I couldn’t lose her. Not now. I’d waited years to get the chance to win her heart. I think I was doing a pretty good job too after a lukewarm start a few months ago. Having her in my life made everything brighter. She brought light when everything had always felt dull and grey. She made me bounce out of bed most mornings, and that was no mean feat. I was one miserable bastard first thing. But that’s what she did to me. She healed me in ways I didn’t even know were broken; my hope, my faith, my dreams for the future. Now it was my turn to be the strength she needed. All I had to do was find her.

I tried ringing her mobile, but every time I did it went straight to voicemail. Ringing Liv and Effy didn’t help either. They had no idea where she was, and they couldn’t reach her. I glossed over what’d happened, filling them in on the basic facts. They hadn’t heard about it, so I guessed Emily’s shame ran deeper than even I imagined. She couldn’t even bring herself to open up to her two best friends.

I left the others to wrap up the stuff at the community centre. The police had come to arrest Alec Winters and they were taking statements, but I managed to bypass them and get outside. When I finally pulled up outside her house a few minutes later, the whole building was shrouded in darkness. I cupped my hands to peer through the windows, but I couldn’t see anything. Not wanting to leave any stone unturned, I decided to try the back. The gate was locked, but that wasn’t going to keep me out. I managed to climb over easily. I tried all the doors, not expecting to find any open, but surprisingly the patio hadn’t been locked properly and I was able to get into the house.

“Em? Babe? Are you here?”

I raced through the kitchen, looking into the empty living rooms as I sped past. Then I bolted upstairs, but she wasn’t here. No one was. Her room was quiet, untouched. I’d hit my first dead end of the night.