I shoulder slammed Finn as I stalked out of the gym without looking back. I was so over all of their shit. The only place I wanted to be was with Emily; holding her in my arms and making sure that this God awful night hadn’t destroyed us for good.
I felt broken inside, like the splinters of my heart were penetrating my lungs, making it impossible to breathe.
She was the only one who could make that better.
She was my everything.
I’d run out of ideas. I had no clue where to head to next. It was getting late, but I wasn’t about to give up. I drove round to Effy’s house, thinking maybe she’d headed there after leaving the gym. One look at Effy’s face told me she had no news. She was as worried as I was. She rang Liv as I stood in the doorway pacing back and forth, but we had no joy there either. Emily’s phone still wasn’t connecting, and I was starting to panic.
I decided to head back home and grab my phone charger. It was running on five percent and I needed to keep it going for the rest of the night. I was determined to drive through every damn street until I found her. I didn’t care how long it’d take. I wasn’t giving up. I drove by her house again on the off chance she might’ve gone home, but the place was still in darkness.
When I eventually pulled up outside my house, I noticed Connor’s car was gone and I pulled into his space.
The house was silent. Dad was off at the trade fair and Connor was God knows where for the night. I took the stairs two at a time, desperate to get my charger and get the hell out of there. When I opened the door to my bedroom, I stopped dead in my tracks. There, in a little bundle under the duvet, was my Emily. I thought she was asleep, tucked safely under the bed covers, and I held my breath for a second, thankful that she was here. All this time I’d been running around town like a madman and she’d been with me all along. I was who she’d come running to.
She turned slowly to face me. The room was dark, save for the glow of the streetlamps outside, and it took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust, but I could tell she’d been crying. Her whole body looked defeated as she lay there, looking over at me.
“Connor let me in,” she said quietly into the room. “I hope that was okay.”
“Of course it’s okay.” I closed the door behind me and went straight to her, sitting down on the bed a
nd reaching over to stroke her hair. “I’ve been worried about you. I’ve driven everywhere tonight looking for you. Why didn’t you answer my calls?”
“My phone had no charge. I’m sorry,” she said, but she had nothing to be sorry for. I was the one who needed to be apologising. I should’ve been on my fucking knees right now, begging her to forgive me.
“Em, I’m sorry. I didn’t…”
She sat up and wrapped her arms around me.
“I know, Ryan. I can’t talk anymore about what happened with Dad tonight. I can’t deal with it yet. I will, I promise, but not now. I don’t blame you. I understand why you did what you did. But tonight, I just can’t dissect another second of it. I just need you.”
She pulled back and took my hand in hers. That’s when she noticed the grazes on my knuckles.
“What happened?”
“Mathers. That’s what happened. He told me what he’d said to you tonight… And what he’d done. I punched him and told him to go to hell. I’m done with it, Em. I’ve had enough.”
“You know I didn’t believe him, right? I know we didn’t have the most conventional start, but I know what we have now isn’t fake. It’s real. For me, anyway.” She traced her thumb softly over my knuckles but looked down as if she expected me to contradict her.
“It’s real for me too. I love you, Emily. I always have, and I always will.”
She looked back up at me, her eyes wide and her mouth open like she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. Did she really doubt me? I thought I’d made me feelings pretty fucking clear. But maybe not? I would from this moment on though, that was for sure.
“You’re it for me, Em. From now on, you will always come first, before all of them. You are what matters the most to me.”
“I love you too.” She held my cheek in her hand and I leant into it, loving being this close to her. “I came here because I needed to be with you. I figured you’d come home eventually, and I couldn’t stop myself from getting in your bed. It smells like you. It’s my favourite smell.” She blushed, and seeing her all embarrassed, cute and warm, wrapped up in my bed sheets did something to me. I knew then and there that I’d die for this girl.
“Can I get in with you? If I don’t have you in my arms in the next few seconds, I think I’m gonna go insane.” She laughed and shuffled backwards to give me space to get into the bed. She was fully dressed, but I stood up and took my hoodie off, then I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down. Her eyes grew wide as she watched me.
“I don’t want any barriers between us tonight,” I said, leaning over to grab her hoodie and pull it up and over her head. She lifted her hips and unbuttoned her jeans under the covers and I watched as she shimmied out of them and dropped them on to the floor.
“Is this okay?” I asked, climbing under the covers and grabbing her around the waist to pull her into me.
“More than okay.” She sighed. She was warm and smelt of vanilla and me. I buried my head into her neck, so I could fill my lungs full of her. Being with her like this felt so right, like coming home. I’d never felt this before, like all I needed was to be with her and everything would be okay.
I didn’t want to put any pressure on her. I wasn’t here for anything other than to comfort her. But when she lifted her lips to mine and we started to kiss, I couldn’t stop my body from reacting. I wanted her badly. The ache I felt was painful. She ran her fingers through my hair and scraped her nails over the back of my scalp. I loved it when she did that, it gave me goose-bumps. I kept my arms wrapped around her waist, but my hips had a mind of their own, and right now they were grinding into her, letting her know exactly how much I liked her being in my bed.
Our kiss turned more frantic and I rolled her, so she was lying on her back. My tongue slid over hers, tasting and teasing both of us until we were gasping and writhing under the covers. I used both of my arms to hold me up over her. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. Slowly, I pulled away from our kiss, and with one hand I stroked her face and looked in her eyes. Her lips were swollen, and her cheeks were flushed. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and she was all mine.