She stared at him in silence. His voice was calm and even, but for some reason it jarred with the mocking smile that accompanied his statement.
‘But you love them?’ Watching his eyes soften, she felt the same fluttering fullness in her chest as earlier.
‘Very much. But this place—’ he glanced back down the beach to the dark, jutting rocks ‘—is dramatic enough as it is.’ His gaze returned to her face. ‘Does that make sense?’
She nodded.
Truthfully, she didn’t fully understand what he was trying to say, but she did understand how hard it could be to try and express yourself. Just like her, words weren’t his thing—but the fact that he’d opened up to her was what mattered.
‘I do understand.’
His arm tightened around her. ‘I was hoping you would.’ He hesitated. ‘And I was hoping, too, that you might consider staying on here with Sóley a little longer.’
Her heart was thumping against her ribs. ‘How much longer?’
His eyes were suddenly very blue. ‘I thought maybe you might consider staying here for Christmas.’
‘Christmas?’
He misread the shake in her voice. ‘I know it’s a lot to ask, and you’ve probably got other plans, but I really want to spend it with—’ His face tensed into a frown and he paused. ‘I really want us to spend it together. The three of us...as a family.’
His admission made the breath slip down her throat. Beneath the jerkiness of her heartbeat she felt a fluttering moth’s wing of hope, even though she knew it was ridiculous to wish for something she could never have.
‘You don’t have to make up your mind now.’
He was right. She should give it some thought, but there was no point. It was what she wanted.
‘I’d like that. A lot,’ she said simply.
His fingers pushed through her hair, tipping her face up to meet his lips. ‘I don’t know where this is going with us, but I don’t want it to be over yet.’
Something stirred inside her chest, moving stealthily, swelling against her ribs so that breathing was suddenly a struggle. She pushed against it, but this time it wouldn’t go away.
‘I don’t either,’ she said.
Not yet, not ever.
Her pulse was pounding in her head. He wasn’t offering her permanence. He wasn’t offering her a future beyond Christmas. But that didn’t seem to matter to her heart.
She had fallen in love with him anyway.
She grabbed the front of his jacket to steady herself. Of course she was in love with him. Somewhere deep inside she knew that she’d always been in love with him—ever since that first night in London. But closer to the surface she felt panic.
She was unbearably conscious of being in love. But there was no need to tell him what she was feeling. She’d done that before—told a man what she was thinking and feeling too quickly, without filters—and she wasn’t going to do it again. She couldn’t risk the swift sting of rejection.
Right now what mattered was that incredibly, miraculously, he wanted her to stay.
But with Ragnar so close, and with his words echoing inside her head, the urge to blurt out her feelings was almost overwhelming.
She was desperate for the oblivion of his mouth on hers and, pulling him closer, she kissed him fiercely, losing herself in the heat of his response, letting the synchrony of their desire stifle her need to confess her love.
CHAPTER NINE
‘ARE YOU COLD?’
Tilting her face, Lottie gazed up at Ragnar and shook her head. They hadn’t made it into the bed—instead were lying on top of a luxurious white fur throw, her limbs overlapping with his, his arm around her waist.
‘No, I’m not,’ she said truthfully.