Or maybe it was her unnatural silence, her deer in the headlights unblinking stare.
She did her chores in that dress, sweating under so much fabric. She ate her meals in that dress, the other ladies kind enough to not poke fun or ask questions.
She worked Table #2 in that dress. The only table to which she had ever been assigned, and she knew why. Because he had his usual spot, where he could look right at her. Listen in on all she said.
Keep tabs.
Just like the three guys who now followed her everywhere she went as she scrubbed floors or washed dishes. And though Eugenia recognized them, she couldn’t remember their names.
They didn’t talk to her anyway. They talked to each other as they guarded the commodity that just might be tempted to jump overboard. Talk, it seemed, was their other job. Spread the tale of how the pretentious virgin had fallen.
How all the men snickered when the captain strode by, her scratches on his neck and chest. His hair tied back so they could not be missed.
Jumping at every noise in a party that was nothing but noise, one of her evening guests said, “We know he can be a little rough. And for your first time, that was probably a lot to handle. I’d treat you right, if you let me come to your room. Show you how it’s supposed to be between a girl and a man.”
“Woman.” When was she going to get it through these boys’ heads that they were women?
“I stand corrected. Between a woman and a man.” And his smile was kind, the gray at his temples charming, considering.
And what was there to say except, “I’m sore.”
Nodding in understanding, he said, “We’ll talk about it again in a week or two. There’s no rush.”
No rush, because not one of them believed she’d ever leave the boat. “Would you like to play another round of chess?”
Which she would win, because she always won. The tri-state chess champion. Full ride to Harvard Med. From a prestigious WASP family of scientists, dripping in privilege. Who’d been given her first strand of pearls at her sweet sixteen.
Who met and fell in love with Li Wei at a lecture on anatomy, pickled corpse between them. Li Wei, who went after his family when she begged him not to go near the radiation.
Who was dead now, by one means or another.
Everyone was dead. And those who were alive traded carnival tickets for sexual favors and a chance to play chess with a girl in a blue cotton summer dress covered in dried come. The torn, conservative outfit far more humiliating than any of the stripper costumes the women rotated between them.
A girl who had a job, and that job was to engage with the guests. “Were you married… before?”
“Aye, with five kids, if you can believe it.” The older gentlemen, unlike the younger, did like to look back with a smile.
“I wanted to be a pediatric surgeon. Was in my second year of Harvard Med. I like kids.”
“Yeah? We all pegged you as a bookworm.”
That earned a half-hearted chuckle. “Sure. Textbooks. The more graphic the better. Show me a broken femur and the pins and screws that hold it back together any day.”
“You must find us boring.” And clearly she’d embarrassed him, the older man blushing as he made a poor move on the board.
“No.” And that was true. None of them were boring, not that many of them weren’t totally disgusting. “For example, I think you’re nice. I think Gus could use more soap. I think Benji’s jokes are vulgar, and I like the way François says my name. Eugenia.” She took his queen, basically ending the game, though it would take him ten more moves to realize it. “I’m a lot of things, but bored isn’t one of them.”
“Angry?”
“Yes.”
“I can understand that too. Five kids, remember?”
“And a wife.”
“I can’t think about her…” Because by the shadow crossing his face, it hurt too much.
She understood that too, but had always been a glutton for punishment, it would seem. “His name was Le Wei. I think about him. And how fucking stupid he was for going straight to Boston instead of listening to me. His family was dead. My family was dead. Everyone was dead. And he was a fucking medical student who knew exactly what that level of radiation would do to a human body.”