‘I...’
He tightened his hands round hers. ‘Maybe I can help.’
‘I don’t think you can. Have you ever felt that you can’t do something? Felt helpless, unsure?’
He recalled the helplessness that bombarded his senses when he saw first-hand the tragedies and the poverty, the senseless violence and the unrest in the world. The frustration he felt when he realised that his parents could only see what was good for Aguilarez, didn’t particularly care about the ‘bigger picture’ he’d tried to explain. When they had vetoed many of his ideas for their country to be more of a force for good.
‘Yes,’ he said, now. ‘I have. Truly I have.’
For a long moment she studied his face, perhaps read the sincerity there.
‘Is that how you feel now?’ he asked.
‘Yes. It is. What if she is right?’ Her voice was small now, tired, almost defeated. ‘Everything she says is true. I have no training, no innate understanding of how roy
alty works. At my presentation ball I know I shocked at least four important personages; every day there is an article that snips or snipes at me. For being too direct. Too Canadian. For not grasping protocol. For usurping my brother’s throne. For being my mother’s daughter. So what if that article is right? Maybe morally I should stand aside.’
‘We discussed this—you seemed sure that you had made the right decision, that your brothers and the Queen wished for you to rule.’
‘They do, because they believe that it is technically and morally the right choice, the honourable choice. But that doesn’t mean I can do it. And I know that if I stood aside Luca would be an incredible ruler. Perhaps I made the wrong choice, for the wrong reasons. I was so happy to have a family. Perhaps it clouded my judgement.’
Still holding her hands, he tugged gently and led her to an opulent sofa, urged her to sit and sat next to her, twisted his body so he could see her face. Momentarily distracted by the closeness of her, that vanilla scent, the amber flecks in her brown eyes, he blinked to focus himself. ‘If Luca thought you could not rule, if he thought you would be bad for Casavalle, he would not have relinquished his claim.’
‘But what if he is wrong? What if he is seeing what he wants to see?’ The anguish in her voice tore at his chest and for the first time he truly began to understand the enormity of what had happened to her. The extent of the upheaval, the impact on her life.
‘I absolutely believe you can do this. In fact I believe you are exactly what Casavalle needs. A breath of fresh air, someone who has not been brought up with all our stuffy rules and traditions. Perhaps you can instil some new traditions of your own.’
‘Really?’ Her eyes lit up slightly with a sparkle of hope.
‘Really. But it has to be what you want to do. This is a job for life, a role that requires wholehearted commitment to your country and its people.’
‘I know.’ She closed her eyes, then opened them again. ‘I’m sorry, Cesar. I didn’t mean to fly into such a fuss.’ She hesitated. ‘I am just a bit emotional. Imogen told me yesterday that she and Luca are leaving Casavalle.’
Cesar nodded. ‘I have spoken with Luca and believe he would make an excellent advocate for you and your country.’
‘I know. But...’
‘But you will lose your brother and your best friend.’ Cesar could see the pain in her eyes, knew too that she wouldn’t have shown it to either Luca or Imogen.
‘Yes.’ Now she smiled, a smile that tugged at his heart strings with its bravery. ‘I am pleased for them but it has made me feel very alone.’
‘You don’t have to be alone,’ he said, the words falling from his lips instinctively, imbued with an emotional depth and a meaning that caused caution to rear its head. This was not about emotions; this was about practicality. She didn’t need to be alone; they could work together. He could offer the practical support that she needed. ‘You could marry me.’ Seeing her brown eyes meet his in question, he hurried on. ‘I am not trying to take advantage of a moment of weakness.’
‘Is that what you think this is? A moment of weakness?’ Now anger sparked her eyes and voice; she pulled her hands away and rose to her feet.
The question stopped him in his tracks. Did he believe that—that to show emotion was weakness? It was a question he wasn’t sure he wanted to analyse. ‘That came out wrong. I simply wanted to say that as your husband I would be able to offer you support, make the task of ruling less lonely.’ The words stilted and he saw her expression change, close down to cool neutrality.
‘I’ll bear it in mind.’ Her tone was even. ‘And I’m sorry for letting emotion get the better of me. It’s foolish. I know it is better for Luca and Imogen to go. Just as I know whatever I do the press will find some angle to pillory me for. I guess I need to grow up and figure out how to be royal.’
Again Cesar knew he should applaud the words, laud the mask he could see her layer on. Yet instead he felt like a first-class horse’s backside. Felt he’d lost something that he wanted back.
Stupid.
He needed to think practically—Gabriella was a woman on the edge and that was not good when right now her every action would be under scrutiny, when more articles were bound to spew forth the closer to her coronation it got. A plan began to form in the recesses of his mind.
CHAPTER TEN
GABI RESISTED THE urge to yawn, managed to swallow down the tiredness, focused on keeping her eyes wide open and an expression of interest on her face. In normal circumstances she would be interested; the official was explaining the tax system in Casavalle and how it impacted on the people. Whilst tax wasn’t exactly her hobby horse, she did want to get her head around the economics of normal people’s normal lives in this country, versus what she had known back home. Wanted a good standard of living for everyone.