It was only then she realized she was in a nightgown, her favorite one, a deep burgundy silk that felt like a second skin. He’d somehow picked it out of all her sleepwear and put her in it while she slept. He was fully dressed again.
“Did they...?”
“They just asked if you were okay. I assured them you were, and your mother insisted I have something to eat.”
“Yeah, that’s my mom for you. Though she is a scientist, the cure to everything in her opinion is a good meal.”
“I ended up accepting tea and a huge slice of delicious homemade apple pie. She served them to me right here.”
Her cheeks flamed as she imagined that scenario. With her being a recluse, her parents had never had to deal with any man in her life. Her liaison with Ivan had been a secret, even from Alex. It had been the one thing she hadn’t confided in him. And just as she’d thought it time to do so, Ivan had disappeared.
There’d been no one else since. It had been the main reason she’d never moved out of the family home. She’d had no personal life that she’d wanted privacy for.
Suddenly the indulgent gleam in his eyes dimmed, tension replacing it as he got out of bed.
He was going to say goodbye now.
She sat up, her heart suddenly thudding so hard she felt it rattling her whole body.
He looked breathtaking yet haggard. Longing almost stopped her pounding heart as his heavy-lidded gaze raked her, filled with disturbed and disturbing emotions. And she realized.
He didn’t know how to say goodbye.
But neither did she. She couldn’t say it. She needed him. In whatever way she could have him.
Not knowing how to tell him that, she rose on stiff legs, tried to postpone the inevitable. “You shouldn’t have let me sleep all this time. And it doesn’t seem you’ve had any sleep.”
His jaw clenched. “Anastasia, we need to talk.”
She groped for lightness, even though she was going to pieces. “That sounds ominous.”
He clenched his fists, unclenched them. Then he squared his shoulders and stood straighter, as if he was readying himself for a frontal assault. “I tried, Anastasia. Tried to leave you alone, so you can restart your life. But you can’t start again. Not yet. And I—I can’t leave you.”
Her heart did stop this time. Then it stumbled into a gallop of brutal anticipation. Did he mean...?
His next words ended all speculation. “Tell your family you need time to heal, which you do, and come with me.” Before elation took hold, he added, “Let me do all I can to heal you.”
The plummet from the heights of hope left her unable to breathe for long moments.
When she could finally draw breath, her voice was a rasp. “Is that what this is about? You feel responsible? Sorry for me? Guilty?”
He took an urgent step toward her, his eyes like emerald fire. “I sure as hell feel responsible. For your well-being. And I’m so sorry for what happened, I can barely breathe. And I feel so guilty it erodes my sanity. Guilty that I wasn’t good enough or fast enough to prevent it. I want you to come with me so I can take care of you to my obsessive heart’s content. But if you’re asking if that’s all, then no. I would want you with me without any of that. I’ve never stopped wanting you. I don’t think I ever can.”
Anastasia gaped up at him, this man she now needed more than life itself. Though he couldn’t want her nearly as much, she believed he did want her, as much as he was capable of.
And he was right. She couldn’t restart her life yet, couldn’t resume her research without Alex, couldn’t go back to the same place of work. He’d also been right to try to shield her from the world. It hurt even more being among her family now. And if there was anything she’d ever wanted, the one thing she’d been deprived of, it was being with Ivan.
His eyes seemed to seethe with anxiousness as he waited for her response. But before she gave it to him, she asked, “How long?”
“As long a
s it takes. As long as you want. Say yes.”
Was there really any other answer?
“Yes.”
His sharp inhalation said her acceptance took him by surprise. He’d actually expected her to refuse, or at least not to succumb right away.