Her arms tightened around him. ‘Because of Axel?’
‘Partly. But even before that. I had parents who didn’t give a damn—a mother who sold me for a crock of gold and a father who saw all his children as pawns or possessions. Love wasn’t in the equation. Then I saw how much pain and angst love can cause—saw how losing Stefan tore Eloise apart. It was the same with Nicky, the twins’ mother. My parents, who eschewed love, were happy and everyone else who did love was made miserable through that love. So I never wanted love to hold me hostage. I could see that emotions led to misery—that life was easier to control without emotion.
‘Even two years ago you were different. But then you left, and Axel died, and I froze every emotion in order to cope. When you came back into my life all the emotions I’d bottled up for years kept surging up and I couldn’t seem to shut them down any more. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t succumb to them because that was way too scary and it felt wrong. Axel died because of me. He’ll never have the chance to live and love, have children, so how could it be right for me?’
‘I am so very sorry about Axel, but I am sure he wouldn’t have wanted you to give up on happiness.’
‘I think you’re right. Marcus seems sure of that too. And I know that if anything happened to me I wouldn’t want you to shut your life down. I’d want you to live it to the full.’
‘Nothing will to happen to you.’ Her voice was fierce. ‘And if it did I would never regret loving you.’
Frederick’s heart swelled with the sheer wonder that he would share his life with this wonderful woman—and share it for real. The ups and the downs...everything.
He grinned down at her. ‘I am so happy it doesn’t seem possible. I never believed in my wildest dreams that you would love me too. I was willing to beg, fight—do whatever it took to persuade you to give me a chance to win your love.’
‘You won that long ago but, like you, it took me a long time to admit it. I think deep down I knew the day I left you on the island with Amil. I couldn’t have done that if I didn’t trust you completely. And trust... I always thought that was for mugs and fools. My mother trusted my father once and ended up pregnant and abandoned. She trusted him again and it didn’t end well for me. Fool me once, shame on you—fool me twice, shame on me. I figured it was best never to be fooled at all. Which meant the only way forward was never to trust anyone. But I trusted you. Even two years ago on some level I trusted you, or I would never have slept with you. But even after the island it all seemed so hard—you were so distant. And I felt like I used to—that I didn’t fit. Everywhere I went people compared me to Kaitlin and...’
‘You should have told me.’
‘I couldn’t. After all, you said that Kaitlin was your ideal bride.’
‘I’m an idiot.’ He cupped her face in his hands. ‘I swear to you that you are the only bride I could ever want. Not because of Amil. Not because of Lycander. But because you are you and I love you. You make me whole. And if anyone makes any comparisons you send them to me.’
‘No need. I’ve worked out where I’ve gone wrong—in my assumption that Kaitlin is better than me. She isn’t—she is just different. I need to be a princess my way. Need to be myself.’
‘And I know that means being a model—I will support your career every way I can.’
‘About that... I’d better ’fess up. I’m not enjoying it one bit. I miss you and Amil...I miss Lycander. So I will fulfil this contract, but after that I will put a fashion portfolio together and send it off. And I also want to work for Lycander. I want to make it a fashion mecca—maybe set up a fashion show. One day we could rival Paris and London... There are so many options. But, whatever I decide, as long as you are by my side I know it will be OK.’
‘Ditto.’
As he pulled her into his arms he knew this was the best alliance he could have ever made—because the only thing on the table was love.
* * * * *