Chill.
Once they got on that plane in less than twenty-four hours everything would snap back to normal. Work would become paramount and all these strange feelings would dissipate.
‘You okay?’ she asked.
‘I’m good.’
Without thought he took her hand in his and they made their way towards the ticket office. Picked up their tickets and joined the press of people in the gondola. When was the last time he had held someone’s hand? Not since childhood, when he’d teetered along holding Tanya’s hand.
The concept was strange, and for a moment he stared down at their clasped hands before releasing Ruby’s hand under the pretence of losing his balance. The motion was abrupt, and it left him with a strange sense of bereavement as he fixed his eyes on the view as they ascended the steep elevation.
Ruby too was silent, until they disembarked at very top, when she halted, her lips parted in a gasp that denoted sheer wonder. Ethan stared too. The incredible vista was one that emptied the lungs and constricted the throat. Panoramic didn’t cover it.
They walked slowly across the terrace and Ruby hesitated as she approached the rail.
‘You okay?’ he asked. ‘The altitude could be making you dizzy.’
‘I do feel a little light-headed, but I think that’s because I am awestruck.’
‘Ditto.’
The snow-covered expanse stretched and stretched; the sky surrounded them in a cerulean blue cloak.
Ruby gestured towards the now far-distant town that looked as if it might be made from building bricks. ‘Wow! Being up here, encompassed by Nature’s might—it puts things into perspective. We are here for such a minuscule slice of time compared to this universality. It makes me feel insignificant.’
‘You could never be insignificant.’
Not this woman, with her determination, courage and her capacity to give.
She tugged her hat further down her head and he stepped closer to her to share his body warmth; the icy temperature permeated their thick padded layers.
‘That’s kind, Ethan, but it’s not true. One day I hope I will be significant—help turn someone’s life around. But until then...’
‘No.’ The idea that she believed herself insignificant did not sit well with him. ‘You have already touched so many people’s lives. Look at what you did for your brother and sisters.’
She shook her head. ‘I did my best, but you know the saying—the road to hell is paved with good intentions. If I’d been stronger I wouldn’t have shielded my parents for so long. I believed what they said—believed they would turn their lives around for us. So I lied, I pretended, but I was a fool. There were times when there wasn’t enough food, when we slept in squalor—parties when things could have gone so horribly wrong. If I’d spoken up Tom, Edie and Philippa would have had a better start in life. I let them down.’
‘No!’ The syllable was torn from him. ‘You didn’t let anyone down. You gave Tom and Edie and Philippa the right start in life, you kept them safe and you gave them love. I promise you, hand on heart, that you gave each one of them something incredibly precious. Something every baby and every child deserves. Your parents let you all down. The system let you down. You didn’t let anyone down. This I know.’
‘Thank you.’ The words were polite, but she turned away as she spoke them to survey the vast expanse and he knew she had dismissed his words as so much bunkum.
‘Why don’t you ask them?’
That caught her attention and she twisted to face him, her breath white in the crisp cold air.
‘I’m sure you would be able to trace them.’
‘I won’t do that.’ Her chin tilted in a stubborn determination that spoke of a decision made.
‘Why not? I understand the decision you made back then. But now... Now surely it would be good for you all to reconnect?’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t want to rock their boat. You should understand that. They are young adults now, and they have their own lives to lead. The last thing I want to do is complicate those lives. That’s partly why I changed my name years ago—a clean break, a fresh start.’
‘It sounds like there was a deep bond between you. I think they would want to hear from you.’
A sigh puffed from her lips and stricken eyes met his. ‘They have each other and their adoptive parents. They don’t need me.’
Ethan frowned, hearing the stubborn lilt to her voice. ‘It’s not about need, Ruby. Maybe they’d like to hear from you. Maybe they want to know what happened to you.’