I hand it over along with the ammo.
“Seriously, Laney? What possible damage can we do? It’s not like you can hurt a…ouch, Jesus!” I rub the spot on my thigh that just got pinged. Her hands stay suspended in the air from where she just unleashed on me.
“That can take a bird down, easy. Now, you have to be careful. They’re a bit aggressive when they feel threatened, kind of like wild turkeys, so when I give you the signal, pull out the light, and I’ll pop ‘em.”
“So, this is what you do in your spare time?”
“Shut up, Houseman, and get ready.” It’s eerily quiet, and I can hear her footfalls in the underbrush as she steps away from me.
“Okay, I’m in position.”
An owl sounds right behind me, and I jump back thankful she didn’t see it.
“I don’t know much about hunting, but I can’t see this as being much of a vantage point.”
“Don’t pansy on me, Theo. This isn’t my first time.”
“I’m not pansying. I’m just saying. We’re in the middle of the fucking woods with a rubber slingshot. And don’t think for one second I won’t toss you in front of me at the first sign of danger, because I’m not that guy. You will die first.”
Her laughter bubbles up from a few feet away. “Definitely not Batman.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t toss out insults. You’re the one who dragged us out here. You would deserve to go down first for putting us in this position.”
I’m serious. But I would miss her.
The longer we stand shrouded in the woods, the more I start to freak out. At this point, I can’t even remember the direction of the truck. Mustering the ice-breaking courage from the whiskey, I manage to steady my voice.
“Whatever, let’s do this.”
“Aww Teddy, you afraid?”
“Now, I’m definitely letting you die first.”
“Fine. Make some noise.”
“What?”
“Click your tongue like you’re calling a pet.”
“That’s ludicrous.”
“It works. Noise attracts certain animals. It’s the same with wild boars. You’ll see.”
I swallow the hairball in my throat. “Are there any around here? Wild boars?”
“Are we doing this or what?”
“This is bullshit.”
She clicks her tongue repeatedly, and I reluctantly chime in with her.
“Good. Now clap your hands, but not like a regular clap, like a golf clap.”
“Are you fucking serious?”