Theo: Proud of you.
I ignore the twinge of jealousy that threatens. Aside from my confession on Halloween, I’ve kept anything other than my platonic feelings out of the relationship. But those other feelings are getting harder to ignore. It was the drive home from the hero party when I started to feel them. When she asked me what was wrong, I’d blundered the truth a little. The truth was, I was worried I might be making the same mistake with Laney as I did with Nora. I’d been way too laid back with Nora, afraid to use any assertiveness for fear she wouldn’t like that side of me. With Laney, I’m still totally unsure if I should make a move. And if I did, what would her reaction be?
It bothered me that she wanted me to feel free to hook up with other girls, and that she wouldn’t stand in my way if I did. The budding truth is that I want her to care. It’s that simple. I spent some of the drive weighing if the friendship was worth keeping if these feelings continue to grow one-sided. But at times, I catch her looking at me in a way that suggests more, and it gives me hope.
My growing attraction is proving to be more than I can handle in the Teddy zone. And each time she looks at me, I refuse the pull. Even if at times I feel like she wants me to kiss her, I’m just not sure that it’s ‘try the nice guy’ curiosity on her part. I could play her guinea pig, but at what cost to me? I’m not that guy anymore. I owe it to myself not to second guess if a girl wants me or not.
Not only that, it’s the relationship part that scares the hell out of me. Between Laney’s track record, and my disposition on relationships we don’t exactly mesh. She’s told me herself, several times, she has a gypsy heart. And that, in and of itself, is a recipe for disaster. I need to take that statement at face value, and if so, what could we possibly start together?
Laney: Come get a coffee before class. On me. (coffee emoji)
Theo: Sounds good.
Like every day since the party, I push those thoughts away. Until I’m sure, I’m not fucking up our friendship on an inkling. The ball is just going to have to keep bouncing where it is. But it might be time to make her aware it’s there. Faint steps sound down the stairs of the house that I know don’t belong to either roommate. “Good Morning,” I greet as I pull some dripping bacon from the pan. “Have a seat if you want, you’re just in time. Nothing fancy, just eggs and bacon. I hope that’s okay?”
“Theo?”
Every muscle in my body clenches in recognition of that voice.
I turn to see her gawking from the entrance of the kitchen, wide eyes raking over me as she stands covered in nothing but Troy’s jersey.
“Lightly scrambled, right?”
Mouth parted, she looks in the direction she came. “I-I—”
“Don’t run off. What’s it been, a year? We should catch up,” I say, pushing the eggs around the pan doing everything in my power to keep my shit together.
“What are you…uh…”
“Doing here? I live here,” I answer evenly, plating her breakfast and placing it on the table. “We’re fresh out of linen,” I say, tearing off a paper towel and pulling a plastic fork from the drawer. “You know how it is. Lot of traffic coming in and out.”
“I’ll just g—”
I pull out the metal chair, and it scrapes noisily on the floor.
“Have a seat. Don’t want you missing the most important meal of the day after that workout.”
“You have to believe I had no idea.”
“Take a seat, Nora.”
Her eyes search mine for empathy she’ll never find, her lips quivering before she slowly sinks down into the seat. I painstakingly take my time pushing her uncomfortably close to the table.
“There you are. Juice?”
She nods as I pour her the last of Troy’s juice.
“H-how have you been?”
“Peachy.” I slam the empty carton on the table and glare down at her. “You?”
“I’ve been—”
“Good to hear,” I snap, “Make sure to sign the guestbook on your way out.”
“Theo, please believe me. I had no idea. I would never hurt you like this.”
“Hurt me?” I harrumph, pointing to my chest. “No. You no longer have the ability to hurt me. This isn’t hurt, Nora, it’s disgust. Eat up.”