I look up to see he’s calling my bluff with his expression.
“I can. I’m just having an off day.”
“If you say so.”
I miss another shot. “Is he really ready?”
“Yeah, absolutely. I’ve never seen anyone hit as hard as he does. He wants you to think being here isn’t helping, but since you showed up, he’s thrown himself back into it. I think knowing where you are is help enough.”
“That’s so barbaric.”
“True.” He clasps his hands around the top of his stick, planning his next shot. “But think about it this way, how would you feel trapped in a corner of the world where nothing existed but your job, your two very hard jobs, knowing the girl you want is living this great life without you, and possibly with someone else? I call that fucking torture.”
I scrub my face, forgetting my makeup. “I just want to be with him.”
“He just wants it to be real.” He takes a shot and sinks it before his eyes lift to mine.
“I’m all in. He’s not just my first, he’s my only. And it’s terrifying because I’m not sure what I’ll do if he won’t let me love him anymore.”
“You’ve only been here a little over a week. He’s still thawing.”
“You saw him in the barn the other day. He’s doing anything but.”
Tony sighs and lifts his beer from the tall cocktail table we’ve congregated around. “I need to tell you something.”
This has me pausing, and I lift my eyes to his. He gestures toward the seat, and I take it. I look up puzzled by his expression when he speaks. “I’m trusting you with this, which may end Lance and me if he ever finds out.”
“Okay, you’re scaring me.”
Tony blows out a breath. “He’s scaring me.”
I grip his forearm. “Tell me.”
He looks me over carefully and shakes his head. “Fuck it. Three months ago, Lance found Jack alone with one of his hunting rifles.”
It takes me the length of a second to realize what he’s saying, and suddenly, there is no air in the pool hall. My whole body cringes as I try to grasp the idea of what that was like for Lance.
“I don’t know if he was really going to do it, but I know there were shells scattered around him.”
“Jesus, Tony.”
“Jeannie and Trevor don’t know, and the only reason I do is because I happened upon them at the right time. Lance has slowly come unglued since.”
Reeling, I try to reason with it. “Not Jack. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t do that to Jeannie, to his boys.”
“He wasn’t in his right mind. Even so, I really don’t think he could have gone through with it, but then again, I don’t have a disease taking over my body and ruining my brain.”
“Oh my God, Tony. What if he had—”
“Damn, he’s here,” Tony whispers before his pleading eyes meet mine.
I try and give him as much reassurance as I can. “You have my word, Tony, I swear it.”
I turn in time to feign a smile for Lance. “You came.”
He’s not planning on staying, that much is clear when Tony lifts a fresh beer in his direction. “One won’t kill you.”
Lance jerks his head before he eyes me, his voice clipped. “We need to talk.”