“Tu me crains autant que tu me détestes.” You fear me as much as you hate me.
I’ve been desperately trying to brush up on my French, and though I’m nowhere near fully conversational, it’s slowly coming back.
He looks down to where I lay shaking his head while he buttons his shirt. “Jésus, toujours aussi délirante.” Jesus, still delusional. “I have you the only way I want you. And your French tongue is shit.”
“Yet you understood me, and I’ve made my point. You’re a tool, Tobias, in every sense of the word. Close the door on your way out.”
I can feel his eyes on me as I turn my back to him, pulling the covers over my naked body. And when he leaves, he leaves it open.
I can feel him.
Everywhere.
And though I’ve washed my sheets, I swear I can still smell the lingering spice of his presence permeating my bedroom. I don’t check my rearview, but I know I’m being followed, my every move being watched, and if I’m honest, I felt it long before the past few weeks.
I don’t bother trying to pull anything stupid. It won’t be long before I claim my life as my own. I’ve started to form some plans for my future and to secure my place in my new life. I have to be smart about every move. With every punch of my timecard, I keep up my end of the deal with Roman. On the day I clock out for the last time, I’ll arrange a life-changing transfer to my mother. As for myself, I’ll make use of the money, but know it won’t make a dent in m
y state of mind other than the fact I won’t have to stress and worry about how to obtain it in the future.
That aside, I want more for myself than inherited wealth. Every day I feel a little bit stronger, like I could turn this around and try to cover the surface of the scars I’ve collected, no matter how deep they still run.
I’ve been diligent in serving out the rest of my time here without incident, passing on beers after work and gatherings at Melinda’s while researching majors as summer passes me by. It’s a night and day difference from my last summer, but I refuse to dwell on it. Daily, I push away the thoughts of the men who ruled me for endless days and months, and the latest addition to the mix is becoming the most challenging to ignore. It’s during the night when my subconscious takes over and I dream vividly, and the morning after, where I’m forced to relive each painful moment, cursed with the gift of dream recall.
The hangover from them can take hours and sometimes a full day to get through. I allow the burn because it’s my hope it’s a part of healing—that they’ll strengthen me.
Your heart has no place here.
Where I thought I’d been growing wings last year, they’ve all but disappeared at this point. My consolation is that I’m more focused than ever on what happens when Roman’s control clock ticks out.
I consider applying for college far away on the other side of the country, or maybe in a different one altogether. With an abundant bank account and a decent GPA, there are no limits to what I can do. I can start all over, gain my full education at a more reputable school. I’ve only been a student a few months, and though I like school, my education in Triple Falls has been a collection of very hard lessons.
However, my fire has returned front and center, and I won’t stop this flicker of hope, not for anything, it’s my driving force. My only regret is that I continue to lie while FaceTiming Christy and make up excuses to keep her at bay, to keep her safe from my situation. I purposefully deceive her with each conversation, only allowing her to know a percentage of the life I now live. Her new and distracting boyfriend, Josh, is my saving grace. If it weren’t for him, I’d be in much hotter water.
But I don’t want Tobias anywhere near her, and I refuse to speak of him. He’s business for me now, and I’m handling him. He doesn’t deserve the acknowledgment as a presence in my life.
I’ll live with and deal with my business decision, alone.
But it might be best to stick to our core plan having already applied to UG. Maybe being back with Christy will help mend our broken connection. Going back to her may remind me more of the woman I was before I had too many secrets to keep.
And I keep them. No one will benefit from me breaking my silence, and more than that, many will suffer.
Perched on my bed, I begin to fill out one last-minute application, just in case, when I feel him darken my doorway. With Tobias, I’ve come to realize I have a twisted sixth sense.
He lingers at the threshold as a hint of his earthy scent fills my nose. And I despise my body’s initial response. My fingers are still flying over the keyboard when I finally acknowledge him.
“I’m on my period,” I announce dryly, not bothering to look his way. “And I don’t want to see you.”
He remains where he stands, his suited silhouette in my periphery.
“I said—”
“I heard what you said,” he snaps, “and you don’t get to decide when you see me.” He stalks toward my bed and jerks my laptop from me, collecting my phone from my nightstand and stacking it on top of my computer before striding out of the room. The slam of a door in one of the guest bedrooms lets me know where I can find it once he leaves. He, like Sean and Dominic, refuses to let me have anything electronic near us while he’s here. More than once, I’ve realized my things are missing once he’s left the house and have to thoroughly search to find them—the bastard. He has absolutely no regard for my privacy down to what birth control I use. This devil is swimming in my details.
“I was working on that! It’s important!”
His deep voice echoes from down the hall. “I’m not going to fight electronics for your attention.”
“Sounds familiar,” I drawl dryly. “And no one asked you to come here!”