Flock (The Ravenhood)

He’s only a few thrusts in when I throw the book across the room, not giving a damn about the ending.

THE DAY SPENT IN DOMINIC’S bed is completely unexpected and utterly blissful. We have a small picnic on his comforter after ordering Thai, and then he rolls us a blunt. Stuffed and smoked out, we lay on our backs, both listening to and discussing Pink Floyd. Dominic’s enthusiasm never wavers as he explains his ideas on some of the lyrics to the more cryptic songs.

We gaze up at the ceiling, our hands brushing, the window wide open as the music duels with the pouring rain.

It’s one of the best days I’ve ever had, just being at his side, our shared touches, the frenzy of kisses, the endless fucking, our laugh infused conversations and the rare, full smiles I draw from him when he lets me. This day has been astonishingly intimate. He’s let me get a peek into his world. Much like Sean, Dominic is nothing at all like I thought he would be. Past his remarkable, yet hostile exterior lies much, much more. He’s very much an idealist like Sean, and in conversations I can see the impression, the impact each has made on the other. This trust they have for one another, I envy it. When Sean told me that he needed my trust last night over everything else, I thought I understood, but not in the way Dominic has helped me understand today with just a few comments about Sean in conversation. And some part of me is comforted by that, not only because of the way they have each other’s backs but for my own selfish reasons too.

Maybe they can hand me over freely to the other not only because of the way they feel for me, but because of the way they love and respect each other.

Or maybe, I’m using it as an excuse to try and justify taking part in it.

But no matter what, it’s there, evident in their bond, their kinship, their intertwined lives.

“Wish You Were Here” floats out of the Bluetooth speaker on his desk, the melody surrounds us, drawing on my sentiment as I grip Dominic’s hand and turn to face him. His attention stays on the ceiling.

“You don’t hate me.” It’s a statement, not a question, but he ignores it. “And this is a date. You stare at me too. All the time. And you’re not as cruel or scary as you make yourself out to be.”

Nothing, it’s as if he’s completely deaf to the words I’m speaking.

Forever a motherfucker.

“Whatever,” I agree with myself for my own sake. “Today was amazing, and you’re an amazing reading partner.” I giggle because I’m high, because this man makes me feel high, because I’m happy. I turn his hand over and brush my fingers along his palm. When I look back at him, I see his gaze follow my fingers before it returns to mine. He’s not used to the simple affection, and that saddens me. We hold our stare for a few seconds before I speak up.

“My rainy days are yours, Dominic. If you want them.”

“It rains a lot here,” he says after a few long beats.

“Fine with me. But my sunny days belong to Sean.”

“Making rules defeats—”

“No, I’m not making rules. It’s a request,” I interrupt, my eyes search his. “I just need some clarity for myself, but I want rainy days, very much.”

He bites his lower lip and I click another mental picture. “So, you’re in?”

My eyes drop and tension fills the air. “I don’t know.”

“It’s that serious,” he warns. “Don’t downplay this.”

“I’m not.”

“Good.”

Opening my mouth to speak, I freeze when the sound of Sean’s Nova filters into the room through our open window. His arrival has me scrambling around to collect the trash and other evidence of our day. Grabbing the bag from the can next to Dominic’s desk, I rush around tossing in our takeout and empty water bottles.

I can feel steel eyes on me, and my guilty heart pounds in an erratic beat while I scramble around the room.

One glance at his set jaw and chilled eyes lets me know he’s pissed that I don’t believe him. That I don’t believe Sean. That I’m still unconvinced this won’t blow up in my face. Cowering, I tie the bag just as Sean bounds up the carpeted stairs. I have the door halfway open when he peers in. He’s soaked from head to foot and greets me with a golden smile. “Hey, Pup.”

“Hi,” I say, my eyes drop as he draws near.

I can’t do this. I can’t.

But if that’s the truth, why does it feel like my heart is capable? My body has given into the idea easily, but the damning in my head never ceases.

It’s their words, their actions and reactions that ease my mind, not my own mindset, and at some point, that has to change if this is going to work. Sean waits patiently, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. I’m naked beneath Dom’s fresh T-shirt, a sure indication that I’ve temporarily switched sides and beds.

I reply with the only safe line my brain supplies. “You were gone forever. Did you have fun today?”