Method

His palm slaps the door. “Don’t you say that to me!”

“You took the meaning out of the ring!” I scream, letting my anger overtake me. “You broke my trust.” I pound back at him. “You think this is me locking you out? You’ve got it all wrong! This isn’t me, don’t blame me! I don’t want to have anything to do with this, with you. Not now. I’m too angry. Leave, Lucas!”

All of the energy drains from me as I relay the sentence, he himself dealt us. “There is no kiss and make it better. And you’re not going to act your way out of this. Just go.”

“Open up, Mila, I’m not going to fight through a door.”

“I wish I had the strength left to fight you, Lucas, but I don’t.” And with that, I walk away.

Ten minutes later, I hear his Land Rover start up. The next day he comes back drunk. And the day after, and the day after that, and every night after until Paul is forced to drag him away from my door.

Mila

PRESENT

Three weeks after I leave Lucas, I get another rap on my door, but I know with certainty it’s not my husband. He’s been silent the past week, aside from a daily ‘I love you’ text. Other than that, he’s been giving me the space I asked for.

“You don’t know what I had to do.”

Blake was a victim of the casting couch, that much is obvious. And he was right in one respect, I don’t need to know the details. Those were the secrets he died to hide.

A part of me hopes Lucas does come clean to Amanda, but it’s not my call. And maybe that’s some of what Lucas is still working through. But until he’s transparent with me, until he shows me his battle, we have nowhere to go. Even after six years of marriage, it baffles me how much he hides, how unaware I am of what goes on inside that brilliant mind of his.

Opening my door, I see my mother standing there and hang my head as she pushes past me and steps inside.

“How did you know I was here?”

“Because when you didn’t bother to text me back, I called your husband insisting he let me speak with you and do you know what he did?”

I shrug.

“He told me you didn’t live there anymore and hung up on me!”

Laughter bubbles out of me as her eyes narrow. “Sorry, Mom. No one is safe lately.”

“Do you mind telling me what the hell is going on? You haven’t returned my calls since he chased me out of your house.” She follows me into the living room, looking around before scrutinizing me.

“You moved back in?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“As it turns out we don’t have a perfect marriage. Satisfied?”

“Absolutely not and you look terrible.”

?

??It’s been a hard couple of weeks.”

She waves her hand in the air. “You’ll get through it.”

“Says the woman who just admittedly fled from my house due to his wrath. So easy for you to say twice removed,” I snap. “You have no idea what I’ve been through,” I palm my hips, “and before you start with the ‘I told you so’ about marrying an actor, don’t. Or you can leave.”

“Don’t talk to me like that,” she says evenly. “I raised you better.”

“I’m not myself lately, not many of us are.”