Someone Else's Ocean

“That doesn’t help.”

“You had sex on a backhoe.”

She chuckled as she pursed her lips. “What is wrong with me?”

“You got your heart broken and won’t give it to anyone else,” I stated. “You need more time.”

She wiped underneath her eyes and whispered across the table. “How much more?”

“Until you and your heart are ready.”

“What about you, Koti?”

“I’m holding out for the first time in my life. I’m not in a hurry. I just need my body to cooperate.”

My abdomen chose that moment to start screaming. Jasmine saw me wince.

“It’s starting.”

“Okay,” she said shooing me away. “Go home. Text me later.”

When I didn’t move, she looked over at me. “I’ve got this, Koti.”

I lowered my eyes. “Everyone’s checked in, we shouldn’t have too many calls.”

“So, you check out.” She gripped my hand across the table. “It’s okay.”

Frustrated, I tried to ignore the deep throb in my center. “I can make it through the rest of the day,” I said, starting to inhale and exhale deeply. “This is ridiculous.”

Jasmine squeezed my hand. “Go home.”

On my deck wrapped up in a blanket and freezing, even with the day’s heat, I popped a pill from my prescription bottle, my jaw shaking from the onslaught of cramps. It felt like two tiny men had cut their way into my abdomen and were playing the bongos. I lay in my hammock in a ball as I listened to the waves in an attempt to ignore my treacherous body. My insides screamed and I braced myself for the worst. I’d been diagnosed with endometriosis a few years before I left New York. Clustered with severe mood swings and my anxiety, for several days of each month, I was a ticking time bomb. I did what I could to kick the mood swings with workouts that had me crawling toward a hot shower and relaxation techniques my therapist had taught me. Nothing helped but drugs and time. Though I’d been managing the clusterfuck for years, it still felt like a small Armageddon every single month. I was lucky enough to have a best friend as a boss who allowed me to slip away for a few days until the worst of it subsided. A shock wave of pain coursed through me and I tensed when another set of cramps hit hard.

Some time later, with my eyes tightly shut I sensed I wasn’t alone.

“Koti?”

I wiped the tears from my face and pressed my chin to my chest to hide them.

“Go away.”

Ian stood to the side of my hammock. I could feel the day’s heat coming off him. Lifting my eyes, I noticed his skin had slightly bronzed from the sun. For the first time, I was able to study the solid wall of tattoos that covered his right pec—Semper Fidelis ran in a bold cursive pattern in the middle of two crossed swords on his bicep. He’d been a Marine. He’d also lost some of the weight around his middle in the last few weeks. If I wasn’t so engrossed in my pain, I might have noticed how long his eyelashes were and how they were so dark they looked wet and spread out in a beautiful pattern over his cheek when he looked down at me. If I wasn’t in complete agony, I might have noticed the fullness of his lips and the small white scar in a subtle

divot on his chin where stubble refused to grow.

“You’ve been crying for hours.”

“I’m fine. Sorry about the noise.” I wrapped my arms around my stomach and bit my lip to keep from moaning. He scanned the porch and pulled the prescription bottle from the table and eyed it. I was too wrapped up to give a damn. Inside my body was unleashing hell.

“What happened? You’re hurt?”

“Ian, what do you want?”

Meeting his gaze, I saw eyes filled with concern. It was completely ironic.

“I’m fine.” Even as I said it, my voice shook and fresh tears leaked out of my eyes.

He looked at me pointedly for a believable explanation, but I wouldn’t bring myself to tell him I had the most painful periods in the history of womankind. And every month I cursed Eve for her treacherous act because of that tempting apple.