Someone Else's Ocean

“Maybe it was so she could figure this out on her own. Jesus Blair, give her some credit. She suffered for all those years just to please us, can’t you see that?” My father had taken a side and from the look on her face, it wasn’t the right one. “And you’re not selling this goddamn house.”

I felt the earth shift as he defied my mother and my pulse began to kick up.

“What in the hell did you just say?” She paled as he leaned forward, his face defiant.

“You heard me. Her happiness comes first, just like yours has for the last thirty-four years of our lives. I won’t let you alienate our little girl. This whole situation is your doing.”

Oh shit.

“Mom,” my voice was shaking. I could feel the rattle begin in my brain. “Look at me, please.”

Hurt and anger coursed through me as I pleaded to keep the situation from escalating further. “Please don’t fight. I never wanted to disappoint you. I love you both so much. Please don’t do this.”

She looked over to me as I begged her once again to try to understand. “I will never live up to what you want me to be. Ever. This won’t change. I’m not changing my mind and I can’t change yours. Don’t ruin what you have with daddy because you think I failed you. He didn’t disappoint you, I did. But I can’t let your ridiculous expectations ruin another minute of my life. If you can’t be proud of me this way, please just leave.”

“Blair, let’s go.”

Blair Vaughn stood five foot, nine inches of relentless beauty and never-ending expectation “The hell I will, we aren’t done talking.”

Twin tears rolled down my cheeks as I looked at my mother and accepted our fate. “I’m done, Mom. Please try to understand. I’m done.”

“We’re leaving. Blair, go get your bags.”

“Daddy, you don’t have to leave. Please, can we please just try to enjoy our time together?”

“We aren’t done discussing this!”

My father turned on her, his eyes cold. “Now, Blair, damn you! This is the last time you make our daughter feel unworthy of your love. Do you hear me? This is the last time. She’s a grown woman and old enough to choose her own happiness. Give it up and go get your things. We’re leaving!”

My mother swallowed as incredulous tears built up in her eyes.

“Now, Blair, go!”

We both jumped at the anger in his voice. Her eyes flitted to mine and I saw the rest of our ties start to snap. “Mom,” I called after her as she slammed the front door shut behind her.

Unable to handle the idea that I’d caused a rift between my parents, I pleaded with my dad who was shaking as he stared at the ocean. “Daddy, I’m so sorry.”

He took a few steadying breaths before he pulled me into his arms. “I know. Jesus, Koti, I feel so responsible. I should have stopped this shit years ago, I’m so sorry.”

“I hid it, Dad. I hid it from you both. This is just the way she is, she’ll never get it and that’s not your fault either.”

He pulled back and searched my eyes. “I’m proud of you anyway. Always. I hope you know that. I’m so proud of you. I’m so sorry you had to save yourself, but so proud you did.”

We cried together on the porch as my mother slammed her way through the house.

Licking the tears from my lips I apologized again, the guilt of what was in store for him hard to bear. “I’m sorry, I just can’t cater to her anymore.”

“I know. Just be happy. I know it’s hard to believe, but I think a majority of this is because she wants you home.”

“Daddy,” I said tearfully as I pulled away, “I am home.”

I sat on my porch hours after my parents left. My father’s tearful goodbye on the forefront of my mind. There was a rift between my mother and I that may never be repaired, at least not in a way it would mend anytime in the foreseeable future. Though I was finally okay with it, I knew it had just broken his heart and ripped his family apart. And the sad part was, only the two of us knew it to be true. My mother would forever maintain this was my fault.

“Hey.”

Ian walked up to the bottom step and looked up at me.

“Hey.”