He nodded as if he’d heard me and I fell apart where I stood. He took a step toward me and I shook my head.
“Go,” I begged.
Shoulders slumped he got into his truck as I croaked out his name, but it was silenced by the wind.
And then he was gone.
Three months later…
“MORNING BABE,” JASMINE CHIMED AS she put her desk phone on speaker and some melodic hold music filled the office.”
“Hey,” I said, trying to clear my head to start my workday. I’d had an attack last night and Disco had peed on the bed next to me. It had been a shit morning and I didn’t at all feel like sharing. The pattern I’d started years ago had begun to recycle. I’d been having more attacks than usual, and I knew the reason. No one was to blame, but I’d never been so emotionally strung out. Horrible thoughts of Ian with someone else kept racing around my head as I attempted to fall asleep each night. I couldn’t really blame myself, it had been months. There was a chance he was dating, or worse might be developing feelings for someone else. But if he felt a tenth of what I was feeling, maybe he wasn’t living at all.
“You’re a wreck. Call him.”
“Why? Why do I have to be the one? I don’t even know if he’s feeling it on his end at all. Maybe I was imagining it.”
“He told you he was madly in love with you. He didn’t leave because he wanted to. He left because he had to. There’s a difference. You didn’t get left.”
Brown eyes stared down at me as I swallowed. “I’m forwarding the phones to my cell. You look like shit and I don’t want you greeting the renters this morning.”
“I know. I’m so sorry. I was up late last night.”
She slapped the top of my computer screen. “Look at me.”
Gazing up at her, I did my best to keep my chin from wobbling.
“Do I look upset?”
“No, well I really can’t tell, you look kind of scary right now.”
“That’s because I’m mad at you for thinking I would be upset. You’ve held my hand for the last year and a half.”
“I just want to stop missing him. God, just one day, I want this to go away. I don’t know how you handled it.”
“Not well, remember, I had sex in a backhoe?”
“That’s not even funny now. But I’m glad you’re happy with Toby.”
“Don’t send out wedding invites yet, we’re taking things so slow, sometimes I think we’re just friends.”
“You still haven’t had sex with Toby?” I couldn’t remember the last time I’d even asked her for an update, what was even odder was that she hadn’t offered one.
“Nope. I’m holding out. You and Ian were an amazing influence on me. And Julian is still calling.”
“Really? Julian, huh? Well don’t use me as an influence, look at me now. And your corn-fed man was the one that told me Ian would dump me no matter what. I don’t know if I’m his biggest fan.”
She tied her hair up before pouring some coffee. “Julian is brutally honest. Sometimes it gets on my nerves, but mostly I love it. And you need to call Ian. I think half of the problem is you’re still hoping he’ll come back or you’ll get back together. And that’s what’s eating you alive. You need some sort of closure.”
“I think the fact that I haven’t heard a word from him is closure enough. What if he’s moved on and I end up embarrassing myself?”
She pulled her roller chair over and took a seat next to me. “Then you know, and you get to move on too.”
“I don’t want that.”
Her eyes watered in sympathy, which only made me feel more pathetic. “I know baby, and it’s killing me to see you hurt, but you’ve got to do something. Tell him how you feel. Are you still glad you took the chance?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”