“Nothing to worry about, bud,” I say, giving Theo a warning look before turning back to my son. “Hey, Dante, do you mind letting me talk to Theo a minute?”
“Mama got that cereal you like,” he supplies as I grip his shoulder, trying to hide my flinch at his words as I walk him toward the door.
“Yeah, maybe I’ll have some after I do the grass. Go on inside for a second, okay?”
“If this is man talk, I’m cool. I’m the man of this house.”
Another blow and I do the best I can to hide my reaction. “Go on,” I say, ushering him inside.
“Fine,” Dante huffs. “Later, Theo.”
I hang my head when the door closes. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
“Please don’t confuse me for someone who cares enough about you to want to understand. It’s them I care about.”
This pisses me off. “You think I don’t?”
“I don’t think you care about anyone above yourself.”
“Well, you’re fucking wrong. Look, you hate me, and that’s fine, but there’s something you need to know about Laney.”
“Save your breath.”
“She wasn’t lying. She never once gave me any reason to go after her. She wouldn’t even tell me her name. Every bit of that cat and mouse was me. It was all me. She’d already told me to fuck off twice before you came outside and at every turn before that. I’m the one who ran up on her. I’m the one who tried to force it. I was in a fucked-up place.”
He glares at me from where he stands, not backing off an inch.
“I just thought you should know.”
“She already told me this herself.”
“Yeah, but I’m guessing you didn’t believe her.” I can see the grudge he’s held for years for wrongs done to him that have shit to do with me. His hang-ups have to do with his own insecurities. Just like Clarissa, he rode me hard, waiting for the day for me to fuck up with a pre-prepared ‘I knew it’ on his tongue.
“And I should believe you?”
“Yeah, you should because when she looked at me, she saw me the same way you do, and I think that’s what attracted me to her. I wanted to prove you both wrong.” I glance at Clarissa’s door. “But I was trying to prove myself to the wrong people.” I glare over at Theo. “You assume so much about me, just like everyone else, and I just never bothered to correct you.”
“Troy! Mommy won’t come outside!” Dante pokes his head out of the door, and I kneel down and pull him close. “Listen, bud. You know better. I’m in a serious conversation. Give me a minute.”
I don’t miss the connection Theo makes when he finally sees it, and I don’t bother trying to hide it. Those days are over for me.
“He’s yours.”
I nod.
“And you haven’t told him?”
The nerve on this guy. I take a step forward. “This is messier than you could ever imagine and fuck the look on your face, Houseman. Do you think I answered your ad because I couldn’t find anywhere else to live closer to campus? Half my friends wouldn’t even charge me to live at their spots. Your address was my chance to be closer to him and look out for them both. She,” I wipe a hand down my face, “she doesn’t want anything to do with me.” He’s the wrong person to air my grievances to, but I can’t help myself.
“You think I wanted to pay rent late every month? Contrary to what you think, I wasn’t getting my dick waxed every time I had a late night, I was working my fucking ass off to pay the rent for three. Between that and ball—” I shake my head disgusted with the fact that once again, I’m explaining my actions to a lost cause. “You know what? I could fill a fucking book with what you don’t know. You got the only explanation I owe you.” I walk inside and slam the door. Dante’s head pops up, and he pauses his game.
“I got in trouble at school today. Mommy’s mad. I put myself in timeout, but she doesn’t care. Are you mad at me too?”
I hate the fear in his voice. I hate that things are so fucked up between his mother and me. We’re both guilty. I let my crushed heart and anger toward her get in the way of what matters most. What should always come first. But I won’t lie to him.
“I’m not mad at you. It’s not good to get in trouble, but I’m not mad.”
“You and Theo not friends anymore? Is that why you moved?”