The Real

I smiled at that.

Abbie’s Mac: Okay, Cameron. I’m all yours.

I nodded, and I saw a little relief in his eyes.

Cameron’s Mac: Good, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear. I’m all yours too. But you know at some point we need to talk about what we don’t talk about. I’m ready. I’ve been ready.

I shook my head and mouthed a “no.”

He mouthed “yes.”

It was at that moment I realized I didn’t want anything coming between us. I was too addicted to the happiness I felt with him. It was a dangerous game because I didn’t know how exchanging our forgotten baggage would affect us or how he would view mine with Luke—which seemed to be less of a task to admit the longer we stayed together.

I typed my words slowly, not ready for the answer.

Abbie’s Mac: Will it change things between us?

Cameron’s expression was more solemn than I’d ever seen it.

Abbie’s Mac: Then no.

Cameron’s Mac: Things have changed.

Abbie’s Mac: But they don’t have to.

Cameron’s Mac: I meant for the better.

My fingers hovered over the keys.

I knew he loved me.

Isn’t saying you’re falling the same thing? Can you really stop yourself once you’ve started? I’ve never found that possible, especially not with the man sitting across from me.

I knew no matter what his bags held I was in love with him and that wouldn’t change. I opted for safe and prayed whatever his held didn’t come with a price I couldn’t pay.

I stared at him long and hard. Cameron wasn’t the type of man to harbor sick tendencies. But I’d thought the same thing of Luke.

Whatever it was he was trying to confess, I thought it was more major in his mind than it would be in mine. Then again, I was too much of a coward to find out.

He was everything I wanted. Honest to a fault, highly intelligent, self-reliant, successful, thoughtful, and highly sexual, which I didn’t know I needed until I found him.

If we could keep going a little longer without our scars weighing us down, I knew the strength of our relationship would grow. It had only been months. Mere months with him and my whole life had changed. I’d been flipped upside down, hit hard with a love I knew I would feel for a lifetime.

Still, I couldn’t help but type out the words.

Abbie’s Mac: Tell me.

I deleted each letter one by one and sent the coward’s response.

Abbie’s Mac: Not yet. Please.

His posture told me he was just as wary of the exchange, but he was calling it, and I still wasn’t ready to show my cards. I wasn’t ashamed of what happened. I wasn’t even afraid to talk about it, but I didn’t want to.

Our relationship was too perfect. Too right.

Fuck Luke. He had no place in our lives. We were happy. That was our present and future; the past could only disrupt it.

Abbie’s Mac: Not tonight.