“Rose, talk to us, please. This is the first time we’ve seen you since the funeral. I’ve been to campus and your apartment four times. You won’t return my calls. Don’t shut us out like this,” my mother pleaded.
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Rose, you went back to school and we didn’t think it was the best idea. At least pretend you still need a little parenting now and then to flatter us,” my father added.
“Grant’s dead, what is there to say? I’m a twenty-five-year old widow.”
I saw my father hang his head and carefully survey me again. “I love you, little woman. Don’t forget that you will always have us.”
“And you two will always have each other.” I heard the venom in my voice and saw my mother flinch at my statement. It was wrong, I knew it was wrong but it didn’t make my need to flee any less strong.
“Rose, I don’t care how mad you get or what you say, please, just let it out...just say it,” my mother begged again.
“I’m fine, okay?! I’m working, I’m eating, and I’m even doing my fucking laundry. I’m fine.”
I saw calm wash over my mother’s face and paused my rant. “Hear that, Seth? She’s fine. You know what? I feel fine, too. How about you, Seth? You feel fine?” She tossed the blanket off her legs and stood up, throwing her blanket in her chair.
“Mom, you really are sick. Sit down, you need to rest. I’ll make you some soup.”
I headed to the kitchen, my mother hot on my heels.
“No, I’m great. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll go for a swim.” I heard the sliding glass door open behind me as I reached the cabinet and chased her down when I saw her taking off her slippers.
“Mom, it’s freezing! It’s forty-five degrees out here!”
“I’m fine!” she mimicked, sounding eerily like me.
“Laura, what in the hell are you doing?” I heard my father’s voice boom behind me.
“Seth, why don’t you join me?” She wiggled out of her robe and without a moment’s hesitation, dove head first into what I was sure was ice-cold water.
“Damn it, Laura!” my father yelled as he made his way over to her as she emerged with a gasp.
“Oh, my God, Mom!” Following my dad, I shooed him away at his attempt to get to her first and pulled her out by the hands, feeling the freezing cold water hit my arms and shivering as she looked at my father with an eyeful of ‘Don’t say a word.’
“You’re going to get yourself killed, Mom! You could catch pneumonia!”
“I’m fine.”
“Cut it out, Mom!” I pleaded as my father did his best to stifle his anger. I ran to the living room, grabbed a blanket, and made it back to the kitchen, wrapping it around her as she walked inside.
“I get it, Mom, you are trying to prove a point. And you took it a little too far, might I add.”
“I’m fine, Rose.” She began to shake and my father tried to put his arms around her to get her warm.
“I’m fine!” She brushed him off and opened the freezer door and stood there shivering.
“Damn it, Mom, I get it, okay? I won’t say I’m fine again. I’m miserable.”
She studied me with sharp eyes before bursting into tears. She shut the freezer door and approached me with a seriousness she reserved for talks like this.
“You are my baby, Rose. My baby. When you hurt, I hurt, and that’s the way this works. I was no more ready to jump in that pool than you were to dive right back into life. You need me and I need you more because you are everything to me. If I can see your pain, even when it’s at its worst, I can still see you, Rose. And if I can still see you, I can sleep at night. I’m selfish, I guess, but I need to be here for you through this. We both do.”
I looked at the pain etched on my parents’ faces and crumbled. “I won’t hide it anymore, Mom.” I buried my head in my hands and heard my voice whisper, “Why did this happen to me? To him?” I began to cry as my father caught me in his arms. I heard my mother let out her own anguished sob as my father pulled her into us. We stood huddled in the kitchen as my mother shivered and my father soothed us both.
“I don’t know why. I’ve been asking the same thing over and over. All I can tell you is that I’m with you. Through every minute of this, we are with you.” I sniffed and nodded as I pulled away from them with a small smile.
“I know and I love you both. I’m sorry I haven’t been by. God, Mom, you are crazy! I would almost think you got yourself sick so I would come home.”