“And now I’m boring,” I muttered without thinking, wishing I had one tenth of that fearless little girl inside of me. No one heard me but Jack, who protested with a tender whispered comment. “Not in the slightest.”
My chest stretched at his words, and I couldn’t help the slow smile that crept up on my lips.
Jack was the first to leave, wishing us all a goodnight, completely respectful of our agreement to keep our new relationship private. Still, I saw him hesitate in his goodbye to me, but only briefly as he made his way out of the house. It had been a perfect night. I no longer had to wonder if I’d ever be a kissed woman again, if I’d ever feel the desire to share myself sexually with another man and be able to feel it everywhere.
Jack had ripped off another Band-Aid. And it was painless…until I got home.
I woke the next morning, and per our agreement, went to text Jack only to realize he’d beat me to it.
Jack: Good morning, beautiful.
Rose: Rap & R&B 101 LL Cool J, Mama said Knock You Out. And no need for flattery.
Jack: It’s the truth. I should have told you that last night before I kissed your perfect mouth.
Rose: We were up to our ears in dancing babies. Kind of busy.
Jack: I had fun. I like your family very much. They’re a lot like mine.
I laughed hard at that. There was no way it could be true.
Rose: Not possible.
Jack: You’d be surprised. What are you doing?
Rose: About to scrub in for surgery.
Jack: See you later? Dinner?
Rose: I may be in surgery for hours.
Jack: Don’t run from me.
I paused, unsure if I was making excuses.
Rose: Okay.
Jack: Okay you aren’t running or okay to dinner?
Rose: Both
Jack: ? Eight?
Rose: Nine ?
Jack: Go save someone.
Rose: Go build something.
“Jamie, let’s get in the zone.” She nodded at me with a wink as Lauryn Hill’s “That Thing” sounded throughout the room. I only had a few minutes before McGuire came in to start the appendectomy before silence would accompanied me throughout the rest of the surgery. On more than one occasion, McGuire had come in with his nose turned up in complete distaste for my music selection. Jamie was more of a southern rock type of girl, but she always humored me, the way most people did. As far as I knew, I was a dying breed in my love of rap music. And though I hoped to persuade Jack of its appeal, I knew my love for it would never fade.
Only Dallas had loved it right along with me until her tastes had changed a little later. Still, I loved that we shared in that. It was one of our things. I found myself a little sad when I thought of Dallas lately. I missed her terribly, even though I saw her last night. She had this huge life and though she included me in every minute she could, we weren’t the ride or die girls we’d once been, still as close, but never alone together.
I didn’t resent her growing family for it. I simply missed my person. The same went for my old college roommate, Jennifer. We’d been close for the entirety of our education, both university and medical school, until she moved to California months after graduation. Jen married and began to have children, and though neither of us wanted it, we’d drifted apart. She’d been my confidant for so long, and for the first year after her move, I was lost without her. I couldn’t fault her, either. She was doing what she’d set out to do. Life was moving on, and those around me were building families. If things hadn’t have gone the way they had, I’d probably have been a new mother as well. I shook off the threat of sadness and concentrated on my kiss with Jack as I prepared to get into my zone.
It worked.
I spent my workday doing routine surgeries. The more I operated i