I held my fingers over the keys, tempted to tell her about Jack. I typed a paragraph to let her know I was doing what she’d been praying for the last few years, but I deleted it word by word. I ignored the opening door of the break room until I saw Dean walk in.
“Dean,” I said, looking at him with a smile. He looked down at me, softness in his eyes. The same look he’d given me when I first met him almost twenty years ago. “Going into surgery?”
“Hysterectomy,” he said. “You?”
“Assist on gallbladder, and I’ll need this,” I said, shifting my eyes down to my coffee cup as I took a sip.
“It feels totally different when you’re in charge,” he assured me, pouring his own cup before he sat down next to me. I sensed Dean’s brief hesitation and already knew his question before he spoke. “Tell me about Jack.”
“I’ll kick her ass and then yours if you tell my father,” I said without hesitation. “She just can’t keep anything from you, can she? God, it’s like when you two got married I lost secrecy.”
“I’m persuasive,” he said with a chuckle.
I rolled my eyes. “And I’m sure I’ll get another niece or nephew out of it so I’m not griping.”
Dean sat back in his chair as smooth as ever as he looked at me with a devilish grin. “Tell me.”
I let out a harsh breath as my brother-in-law grilled me about Jack. I trusted Dean with my life and had no issue with the truth. Dallas knew that so I forgave her for telling Dean. He’d always been a bit protective over me. I looked to him after a few minutes of telling him enough of what he would want to know: that Jack treated me well, that he was truly the good guy he portrayed himself to be. I leaned in, knowing my next question may tell him more than anything else.
“Dean?”
I felt my chest tighten as I walked over to the coffee pot so he couldn’t read my nervous posture.
“If you hadn’t come back for Dallas, or if she’d been married to Josh when you got here and you were forced to move on—” I turned to meet his eyes, not wanting to miss a second of his reaction “—do you think you could have loved again? I mean, really loved? Like you love her?”
I saw the answer immediately and felt my lip tremble despite my best effort. Everything in me sank as he remained quiet for a long moment. My brother, who I loved more than anything in the world, refused to lie to me, and though I respected him for it, I felt my anger flare.
“Rose—”
“Don’t. Don’t worry about it. I need to go scrub in.”
Dean stood and blocked the door, a helpless expression on his face.
“It’s a different situation,” he offered in poor excuse.
“Bullshit,” I said, no longer able to mask my hurt. “The only difference is mine died and yours is alive—thank God for that—but how can you expect me to believe it, too? You two have pushed me so damned hard to move on, but if you couldn’t, how can you expect me to?”
“Rose,” he said again, his voice pained as he let me pass to open the door. I paused with my hand on the knob, feeling guilty for making him feel like shit for simply be
ing honest. There was no other love for him than Dallas and never would be.
“I’m sorry I asked,” I said sincerely and plastered a forced smile on my face. “But you know what? You gave me the next best thing: Grant and Anna. I love them so much Dean. You gave me that.” I walked out just as the rest of the pain surfaced and burst through my chest.
Later that night, I sat on my deck, wrapped in the quilt we’d made love on, replaying my time with Jack. I pulled it firmly around me as I thought of Dean’s words or lack thereof. He was convinced he could never love again the way he did Dallas. And that had been the truth for my parents as well. If this was the case, how in the hell was I expected to do it?
Was I capable? It sure had felt like love on that dance floor and every time I was in his arms. When Jack was near, I had tunnel vision. He was my sole focus and more than enough to keep me sated both in mind and body. But my heart?
My fucking heart?
Minutes later, as I pondered the ability of the muscle in my chest, it leaped as I heard the rumble of Jack’s bike. I looked up to see him flying down the path. I’d been waiting on the two Js to arrive, drunk and jilted, and had a mess of food ready as promised. I just wanted a bit of girl talk but it was getting late.
Jack took off his helmet, unaware I was watching him, and looked up to the house. The inside was lit, and I knew he was looking for movement. And though I felt my chest stretch at the sight of him, I remained quiet as he surveyed my home. He stood for several minutes just watching, the look on his face unmistakable. There was something in there he wanted and that something was me.
There was something so enigmatic about him and yet he’d spoken so freely with me in our time together. Still, I knew there was so much about him to explore. That thought mixed with the sight of him had me ravenous with need for him, for his words, his touch.
“I’m over here,” I said, standing to announce myself in the blue lights next to the waterfall.
“Hiding from me, beb?” he said, taking two steps at a time and crossing the porch with authority until he reached me. Without another word, he gripped my hair and landed a consuming kiss on my mouth. I let the blanket fall off my shoulders and pulled him to me hard. I looked for and found everything in his kiss, my doubts from the day erased with just the feel of him around me. I pressed into him with every ounce of passion I possessed. He tore his lips away and I followed, recapturing my unrelenting want of him. He obliged with a growl as he took and savored me until we were both panting.