“Jack,” I prayed to him breathlessly. “I’m sorry.”
“You keep knocking the wind out of me,” he groaned, covered in hurt. “I can’t even defend myself because anything I say right now will be cruel.”
Unable to handle our connection, I began to move on top of him and cradled his head, staring into his eyes. “Say it anyway.”
He wrapped his arms around me and began to move with me, the friction delicious and our rhythm slow. He looked on at me, lost and full of love.
“I wanted you to be mine even when you told me you couldn’t be. I’ve never wanted anything so much.” He kissed my neck and chest as I rode him slowly, memorizing him as a sinking feeling spread.
“I am yours.”
“How can I believe that?” Jack murmured before he took my lips in a kiss and circled his hips. I detonated in his lap as he took my quick breaths and orgasm into his mouth. Seconds later, he came, filling me full with his hot release as he clutched me like he’d never let go, but he did. I knew he was leaving again.
“Don’t,” I begged him for the second time. “Don’t go. Stay and I’ll prove it to you.”
“I have to,” he said, moving me from his lap to stand before him. I pulled down my skirt and leaned down to confront him as he tucked his shirt back into his pants. “I took a job,” he said, unable to meet my eyes. “I’m going to give the traveling thing a rest for a while.”
“Why?” I asked
He looked down at me then pressed his lips to mine. When he pulled away, I could still see the same man I hurt. “I just want to be sure about us, Rose. You have a decision to make.”
“Decide what? I’ve made my decision and it’s you.”
“You weren’t sure three weeks ago. You’re still living in the past, with him. You said so yourself. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m jealous of a dead man.” Jack scrubbed his face with his hands as I pulled at his arm, forcing him to acknowledge me and my words.
“You told me I didn’t have to choose. You said—”
“And you don’t, but I’m deserving of a woman who can give me her future. I wanted to do it all with you, Rose, all of it. And right now, I can’t see how that’s possible.”
Panic coursed through me as I thought of how hard the last three weeks had been without him. “It is! I’m standing here telling you right now you’re all I want! I love you, Jack.”
His lips parted as he looked at me with soft eyes.
“You wanted me to acknowledge us. Well, I did. I told my father I was in love with you.” Jack gripped my shoulders and pulled me closer to him as frustration rolled off him.
“And now what? What would the next step be in our lives together? I move into the home you built with your ex-fiancé? I take his place in the life you were supposed to live with him?!”
“I hadn’t thought about it,” I said as I ripped my arms away from him. “It doesn’t have to be that complicated.”
“It is that fucking complicated? You buried yourself—” He pressed his lips into a thin line as he took a step away from me. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I’m well aware of what I’ve done. And lying about it didn’t help, but don’t you dare criticize me for what I’ve done. I’m living in it!”
“And I can’t!” Jack said, exasperated.
“No, you won’t. If you can’t let your jealousy go, that’s on you, Jack,” I said as I gathered what strength I had left. “I won’t pretend I didn’t make it hard on any man who eventually wanted to be a part of my life, but this right here is just you and your fucking pride. I’m not asking you to give anything up but that.”
“Bullshit,” he countered as he straightened his jacket. ”You made it damn near impossible.”
I moved closer to him and reached up on my toes to kiss him gently on the lips as I let him see my eyes, resolute. “Did I? Did he come between us in any way until you found out?” And even though I knew it was wrong to lie to him, I saw the realization of why I did it dawn on him.
“I can love you anywhere, Jack, even here, where I made it damned near impossible to love or think of anyone but Grant. And I fell in love with you here. You resent this place now because you see it as a way for me to keep him close, and in a way, it will always be that place. But now more than ever, I’m in love with it because it’s what brought you to me. It’s a place filled with love and healing. It’s my home. And I can love you here. And unless you can do the same, you’re right, it won’t work. You are the one with the decision to make, not me.”
“And what if I can’t make it work,” Jack said uneasily.
“You have to try to fail,” I said back, firm in my conviction. I would do whatever it took to make it work with Jack, but I would never give up my life’s dream. I belonged at the center with my sister. I’d never been more certain of anything. Even if it meant losing a love I
never thought I have again, I wouldn’t sacrifice my life’s work.