“You guys go on we’ll be right in.” I let the others go into the house leaving us in the garage. Each of them was laden down with bags and though the others had done a bit of shopping most of it was hers and that too felt good. It felt amazing that I could do that for her and more. I walked her over to the bay where my cars were kept. The garage was sectioned off because all the men were car aficionados and the women weren’t too far behind. Though I think they just liked pretty little roadsters with speed.
“Choose one.”
“What? Matthew no, now this is too much, you can’t just lend me a car what’s wrong with you?”
“You’re right I’m not lending it to you I’m giving it to you. I would buy you one but there’s nothing on the market that can beat my collection so choose something. You said the only transport you have is your father’s truck right? this way if you need to come to me you can anytime.” Her eyes ran over my babies but she made no move to choose one so I made the choice for her. “This one, it’s the Mercedes G550 built for speed and safety, perfect.” Not to mention this baby was outfitted with every feature known to man.
“Carrie has the same one, you can choose a car later, for now this should do just fine.” I think I’d finally overwhelmed her because she just stood there staring like she didn’t know what to do with herself.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Truth? Because I read what that fucker did to you, to your life, and I aim to erase every bad moment. I would’ve treated you like this anyway as my girl but I’ve accelerated shit because you need it baby, trust me, I know what I’m doing.” I hope like fuck I did. I know going shopping and giving her a car wasn’t going to erase four years of terror but it was a start, besides it was about showing her that her life could be so much more than it had been.
We hung out in my room the rest of the day, I didn’t jump her as soon as the door was closed but it was close. I needed to get her used to my touch so we sat with her on my lap. I had a moment of ‘what the fuck should I do now?’ if I made the wrong move it might spook her, I had no idea what to do with this girl as she sat like a stiff board on my lap.
“Relax baby I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to, we’re just going to relax and talk okay?” she nodded her head but seemed nervous still. There was so much fear in her, fear of even this, a simple thing that most girls her age took for granted. “Baby can you tell me what you’re afraid of? I understand what you’ve been through but I need you to explain to me what the fear is, that’s the only thing I can’t feel for you.” She took a deep breath and pulled at the bottom of her dress. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore than I did but it was the elephant in the room.
“He’s been there ever since I was fourteen, I don’t remember when he wasn’t there so now it’s hard to accept that he’s finally gone. Everyday when I awake I wonder if this is the day that he’ll find me. It doesn’t matter how nice the day is or what fun thing I’m doing, at some point I always stop and wonder if he’s near because I know he’ll never stop until he finds me. So you see, you maybe shouldn’t be spending all this time on me. You should find a nice girl who doesn’t have all this ugliness in her life someone…”
“Shut up Kadyn don’t be stupid, look I get it, he terrorized you for years but baby you’ve got to take the power back. Don’t you think you deserve to have a life free of all this fear? Don’t you want to have more days like today or go out with the girls and just have fun, do the things you’ve always wanted to do? What were your dreams before this all started, do you even remember?”
“Not really, because I had to learn that they would never come true, that I would never have a normal life. He’s always going to be there don’t you understand?” she was about to freak out again but this time I wanted to get to the end of this. I needed to at least plant the seed that there was so much she could do now. “But he hasn’t found you here has he?”