“I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”
He clears his throat, “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I smile assuringly, “Come on, let’s go inside.”
We make our way inside and I tell Duke I’m going to change. As I enter the room and take off my dress, I stare at myself in the mirror. The silvery pendant sparkles against my chest and I gently grasp it. He shouldn’t give up his future for me. He’s too good for me. I don’t deserve him. Tears fill my eyes as I realize what I must do. Bolting into the bathroom, I gather everything I brought with me from home and toss it into my bag. Scooping up the remainder of my clothes from the floor, I toss them into my bag. Quickly changing into jeans and a sweatshirt, I look around the room for my sneakers. Finding them, I hurriedly pull them on, ignoring the fact that I should probably tie them.
Gazing at my reflection in the mirror, I take the pins out of my hair and scoop it up into a tight bun. Catching the sparkle of my necklace, I regretfully take it off, placing it nicely on the dresser. I grab my wallet and leave my phone on the dresser, next to the necklace.
Spotting a small piece of paper, I scribble a quick note to Duke and Melanie. I rush over to the window, open it, and look outside to determine the best and safest way down. As I toss my bag to the ground, I pray it doesn’t make a sound. I carefully slide down the slope of the roof and leap to the ground without hesitation, snatch by bag, and take off for the bank to grab some cash.
Forty-five minutes later, I find myself at Penn Station, purchasing a ticket for Amtrak heading to whatever destination I can afford at the moment. I look around nervously, just in case Duke shows up. With no sign of him or Melanie, I find an empty seat in the back of the waiting terminal.
I hear the announcement, “Amtrak #5468 from New York Penn Station to Chicago Union Station, now boarding on Platform Fifty-Seven.” I look at my watch and calculate it’s been an hour since I left Melanie’s house. I take a deep breath, gather my things, and head to platform Fifty-Seven. Walking down the stairs, I approach the train and climb inside, claiming the nearest window seat. Thankfully, I was smart enough to purchase a book at the gift shop. This will be a long trip.
A few minutes later, the train starts to pull away from the platform and the ticket holder walks down the aisle and stamps my ticket. As the train makes its way out from underground and into the afternoon light, the conductor states, “This is the Amtrak #5468 headed toward Chicago Union Station. We thank you for visiting New York and please come again.”
Tears stream down my face as I see the New York City skyline drift away in the distance. My lungs constrict with the sting of ache and hopelessness as my heart grieves. And here I am, leaving it all behind—my friends, my mother, and him. I place my hand on the window and stare out into the distance that now separates us. Good-bye, Duke.
Duke
The alarm sounds off and wakes me up from a very loving, yet cruel dream. Of course, it was about her. She’s haunted my dreams for the past year and I have no way of escaping them. But today is the one year mark of the day she left me. Sometimes I wonder if she just didn’t want me in the end. I guess that could be true, but I still have hope.
After she disappeared, I would sit outside her house, hoping that one day she’d come back to me, but she never did. I ignored my mother, avoided Melanie, and distanced myself from Rob. But that didn’t hurt as much as her leaving me. I remember one night during the summer, I got so wasted, drove to her house, and screamed her name until the neighbors called the police.
I sit in my bed, staring at the ceiling, daydreaming of her. Suddenly, I hear the banging of Rob’s fist on my dorm room, “Duke!! Get up! We have class. Last one, bro, before the end of the semester. Hurry up!”
I groan and force myself out of bed. Stumbling into the bathroom, I wash up, and quickly dress in a pair of khaki shorts and a white polo shirt. My reflection in the mirror reveals the disastrous style of my untamed hair. I shake my hair and comb my fingers through to tame it as best I can. Fuck it.
I grab my stuff and head into the hall to meet Rob.
He pats my shoulder, “You alright, bro?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
He eyes me suspiciously, “No worries. Just asking.”
We head outside and walk across campus to our final class of “Fundamentals of Criminal Law.” A few minutes later, we arrive to class and I already see Brooklyn, waiting for me by my seat. I groan in protest and walk up to her.
“Hey, Brooklyn.”
She squeals at my presence, “Hi, Duke! I had a great time last night. You should have stayed, you know. We could have kept going until morning.” She winks at me and licks her lips flirtatiously.
I scoff, “Yeah, I don’t do sleepovers. You know that.”
She frowns, “I know, I just thought that maybe you’d changed your mind.”
I shrug my shoulders and look away from her, “Well, I didn’t.”
She pouts and scurries off to her seat just as the professor walks into class. Rob sits to next to me and whispers, “Dude, since when are you so grouchy?”
I growl, “Fuck off, Rob.”
“Dude, you need to get a grip. I know today is tough for you but don’t take it out on me. If anything, be mad at her.”
As soon as he says that, I jump out of my seat and snarl at him, “This has nothing to fuckin’ do with her. So back off!”
Rob puts his hands up in surrender, “You see? You don’t even realize it.”