Gia pulls me into a warm embrace. “I’ll miss seeing you around.”
Wrapping my arms around her, I promise, “You’ll still see me, just not at work. Come over to the apartment anytime. Deal?”
Her lips peck my cheek. “Deal.”
Roman
THE BLARING SOUND of my alarm clock echoes throughout my bedroom. Rolling over, I slam my palm on the clock, shutting it off. Pulling the covers up over my head, I dread having to get out of bed today.
Just as my body starts to dip back into sleep, the alarm on my cellphone rings again. A loud groan escapes as I pull off the covers and force myself out of bed. Walking over to my dresser, I turn off the cellphone’s alarm and lean my body over, falling to the ground. Landing on my hands in a perfect push-up position, I complete thirty push-ups in a matter of seconds. I then head to the pull-up bar and work on that, completing ten pull-ups. Concentrating on my breathing, I let the burn flow through my body, waking it to life.
After my morning exercise, I jump into the shower, then get dressed. Grabbing three eggs from the fridge, I whip them in a mixing bowl and cook them to perfection before adding a couple sausage links. Breakfast is made. Within a matter of minutes, I clean up and head outside, walking toward the subway.
As I wait for the six train, I notice a couple walking toward me with a baby stroller. All three of them have exuberant smiles on their faces, ready to spend a day in the city. Summer in New York has come and gone and now the snow is starting to make its way into our presence. I love New York City when it snows. It’s absolutely breathtaking. Most people hate it, especially with all of the shoveling, but I think it’s worth it.
As the train arrives, I pull out my headphones and start one of my Spotify playlists. Listening to music has always been a favorite past time for me. It allows me to see the whole and experience things in a new light. Lyrics hold the key to reaching someone’s soul. With just a simple song, two people can be forever connected in a way that only they understand. I take a seat over in the corner of the subway car, still glancing over at the couple and their baby.
The baby is young, probably about six months old. Watching them hold and embrace the child brings a smile to my face. I’ve always wanted kids, and lots of them. Growing up in an Italian family has its perks: great homemade food and lots of cousins. It’s a shame I don’t have any siblings. It would have been great having a younger brother or sister, but then they too would have had to endure the loss of their parents, and I wouldn’t want to wish that upon them.
As the train makes its way up to the Bronx, I keep an eye out as the passengers come and go. You can never be too careful in New York City, crazies everywhere.
Thirty minutes later, the train arrives at my stop and I step off the platform, heading downstairs into the busy streets. Stopping off at the local flower shop, I purchase two red roses and head toward the bus stop. A few minutes later, the eight bus arrives and I take a seat in the back, relaxing while Spotify continues to play in my ears.
The bus weaves in and out of traffic as it picks up new riders of all shapes and sizes, crowding the bus after ten minutes. There’s never a New York City bus that’s empty, that’s for sure, unless of course it’s after one in the morning. Looking out the bus window, a bicyclist rides along the side of the bus, swerving in and out of traffic, moving right along with it. Pedestrians flood the streets, cabs pick up passengers, and people shout for taxis; it’s all a continuous circle.
The twenty-minute bus ride goes by in a flash and as my destination approaches, I hit the tape, signaling my stop. Approaching the stop, the bus pulls toward the curb, opening its doors. Making sure I have the roses, I step off the bus and walk toward the cemetery. The rusting cemetery gates come into view as I approach it. Tightening my grip around the roses, I walk inside, just as a lonesome feeling surges through my body.
I travel across the cemetery, looking for the grave. As my feet pound against the dirt, I notice other people paying their respects to their lost ones. Some are alone, while others came in groups. A few cry, and some just stare at the tombstones in silence.
In the blink of an eye, I find myself facing the tombstone, the one object that brings pain every time I look at it. Bold letters chiseled into the stone send a chill down my spine. Moretti.
I tiptoe to the stone, place the roses on it, and look down at the grave. “Hey Mom, hey Dad. Happy Anniversary.”
Waiting for a response that’ll never come, I continue the conversation as though they listen. “So, nothing new in my life at the moment. Oh, wait! Actually, I won a little award at the firehouse yesterday. It wasn’t anything official or anything. Honestly the stupid award was for chess champion and it’s actually written with crayon, but that counts for something right? Aunt Maggie and Uncle Vinny are doing well. Aunt Maggie isn’t sick anymore, so that’s one good thing. The doctors actually just cleared her last week, which was a huge relief for all of us. Everyone at the station has been really good to me. Captain has graciously taken me under his wing. He even let me in on a secret family recipe of his and I can’t wait to use it and impress Aunt Maggie.”
A gust of wind flows through the cemetery, making the strands of my hair sway in the current. Hoping that it’s some sort of a sign that they’re listening, I smile and continue with my updates.
“I’ll be twenty-eight next month and I’m still single. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been on a couple dates, but nothing really worth the time of a relationship. Uncle Vinny’s been pressuring me to settle down and lay some roots, but I’m not ready. Aunt Maggie’s been sending hidden messages to me about Melanie, telling me to look for her. In a way, I hope she’s right, but I don’t want to go off and start searching for this girl. But god, she’s beautiful. From her golden locks down to her soothing voice, she’s absolutely perfect. What if I’m not good enough? What if she doesn’t want me?”
I think about what I’m saying and laugh. “Look at me. I sound like a complete ass hat, talking about some girl who doesn’t even know I exist. I’m just wasting my time, aren’t I?”
I bow my head in defeat, wishing for an answer. “Focusing on my career with the fire squad is all that matters to me right now. I can’t dwell on a crush I’ve had for ten years. It isn’t healthy.”
A deep sigh escapes my lips. “I just don’t know what to do anymore. I…I miss you guys. I wish you were here. Every child needs their parent and growing up without either of you really hurt.”
Trying to change the subject, I remember one of the happiest moments in my life. “Hey, remember that crazy blizzard we had? It was about ten feet of snow an
d I was out of school for a week. I remember Dad and I went outside and crawled on top of parked cars and made snow angels on top of them. And then afterward, Mom made hot chocolate and we snuggled by the fireplace. Just feeling the two of you holding me while telling me wonderful stories about your adventures meant everything to me.”
A somber feeling slithers its way into my soul. Feeling the rush of pain and desolation shatters my heart into a million pieces. A small tear slopes down the side of my face. My voice cracks and I try to keep some composure. “I’ll always cherish that memory. It is and will always be one of the happiest moments in my life.”
My visit lasts for another twenty minutes as I stand there in silence, feeling the wind’s current against my skin. I can’t help but shed more tears as I wallow in my own despair.
As I prepare to say goodbye, I bend down, kneeling on one knee, and say a silent prayer for my parents. I miss you. I love you. And one day, I’ll see you again.
Getting up, I kiss the tip of my finger and reach out to the tombstone, placing the kiss on the top corner edge. “I’ll come visit you guys soon. Promise.”
Roman