‘And I thought you were never going out with BJ,’ he retorts.
I don’t catch her answer as they disappear into the kitchen.
I dress in the T-shirt and skinny jeans that she brought. The jeans are too long so I fold them at the top. I quickly brush my teeth with the brand new toothbrush Shane has left by the sink. I comb my fingers through my hair and make for the kitchen.
Layla is sitting at the counter eating ice cream and talking animatedly about her son. She turns towards me. ‘Would you like to have some ice cream?’
‘Layla,’ Shane says pointedly. ‘Snow is not weird. She doesn’t want ice cream for breakfast, besides, don’t you have somewhere else to go?’ he asks.
Layla slides off the seat with a sigh. ‘I don’t have anywhere to go to, but all right I’ll go.’ She grins at me. ‘I’ll grill you at my mum’s house at Sunday lunch.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, Layla,’ Shane says exasperatedly.
‘Byeeeee,’ she says, and walks out of the kitchen. We hear the front door close behind her.
‘How do you feel this morning?’ Shane asks.
‘Yeah, fine,’ I say uncomfortably.
‘Good. What do you want to have for breakfast?’
‘Shane?’
‘Yes.’ He appears solicitous. A stranger.
I dig my fingernails into my palm. Wow! It’s been a long time since I did that. The pain of my fingernails dulls the other pain. The pain of thinking he regrets ever hooking up with me. Lenny accidentally revealed once that other men wouldn’t want me after they knew about what had happened to me, and I grew up in India where the shame of being raped actually causes women to be killed. He always claimed he didn’t care, but other men might not be able to take it. Some men are simply not strong enough to cope with such horror. Some marriages even break up after a rape.
‘I’m … sorry about last night. I haven’t had a flashback in months. It must have been the shock of what happened outside the club that triggered it.’
‘Don’t apologize for last night,’ he says harshly, striding towards me and stopping a foot away from me. ‘You have nothing to apologize for.’
‘Erm … OK,’ I say, taken aback by the sudden fury in his voice. ‘Er … Thanks for asking your sister to bring me these clothes. I’ll just pop back to my apartment and get some of my clothes later this afternoon … if you still want me to stay, that is,’ I say uncertainly, my gaze searching his face for clues of reluctance or a change of mind.
His eyes are like frozen blue orbs and his words as sharp as razors. ‘I’ve not changed my mind, and you’re never going back there again. I’ve thrown away your red dress. From now on I pay for everything that goes on your back.’
‘Oh,’ I exclaim, stunned by the intensity of his words. The more I know him the more I realize that beneath the easygoing charm and humor lurks a much darker beast.
His expression warms suddenly, confusing me. ‘Now, do you want blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs and smoked salmon, a banana smoothie, waffles, warm brioche with butter and cherry-plum jam, or a full English for breakfast?’
‘Oh!’ I exclaim, overwhelmed by the choice. ‘I usually just have toast or cereal.’
He smiles. ‘Yeah, I’ve got that too.’
I pause. Why should I have the same old boring thing? ‘Actually, the brioche with butter and cherry-plum jam sounds really good.’
His eyes twinkle. ‘It’s one of my favorites too. Sit and talk to me while I get it.’
‘Can I help?’
‘Nope,’ he says immediately.
So I sit at the able while he moves about preparing our breakfast. Soon the entire kitchen fills with the lovely yeasty aroma of toasting brioche and hot coffee. He brings the food to the table and I realize just how hungry I am.
I watch Shane’s large, capable hands tear apart the soft loaf and the steam rise from the middle of the bread. I watch him spread the jam on the pastry, not across the whole half, but just a corner. And on top of the jam a shaving of cold butter. Then I watch his strong white teeth bite into the piece and his sensual enjoyment of the complex tastes in his mouth, cold, warm, sweet, starchy, buttery, plummy.
As I watch him, I feel the thaw inside me. Ever since that horrible day I could not connect with anyone. I was frozen inside. I just felt utterly alone. Kim’s betrayal made the whole world frightening. I knew I could trust no one. Everyone wanted something from me. Even Lenny.
For the first time today I feel something deep and real.