p.s.
Nothing was a lie. I meant every word I said to you. Every breathless word.
I let the letter flutter down to the table surface, and go into my bedroom. I sit on the bed and, taking her pillow, bury my face in it. I inhale deeply and let the smell of her hair fill my brain. I should have known last night that she was not asleep. I was too caught up in my plan.
How can she go to India? She has no money.
And then a reluctant smile comes to my lips. She had money put away. Good girl. And though it cuts like a knife that she has gone, I am glad that she is out of harm’s way. The best place for her at this moment is to be far away.
I put the pillow down and look at my watch. In three hours I have a meeting with Lenny. I’ll get her back. This is just temporary.
Whatever it takes.
Beware…
Beware…
Of my hunger
And my anger
- Mahmoud Darwish
Thirty-four
SHANE
He sits behind his desk, a cigarette between his lips, and squints at me. Cigarette smoke rises between us. His hand moves and the sickening gleam of white makes me think of him touching her body, and in a flash, before I can stop my thoughts, they have run on like stallions in heat. Him on top of her. Her on her hands and knees, and him pushing into her pussy. His ugly fingers digging into her little bottom as he slams into her. My gut twists with the kind of raw, tearing jealousy I have never experienced before. I want to fucking shatter the smug bastard’s jaw.
He looks at me expressionlessly. ‘What do you want, Eden?’
‘You already know what I want,’ I say coldly.
He laughs, a short bark of disbelief. ‘You’re one cocky cunt. You think you can come in here and ask for my woman and I’ll just hand her over to you? What do you think she is? A cheap bottle of whiskey that I can pass on to you? Huh?’
‘She’s not your woman,’ I say calmly.
‘If she’s not my woman, then what the fuck are you doing here asking for my blessing to keep on fucking her?’
‘I’m here because you’re a cunt, Lenny.’
His eyes flash, but his voice is polite. ‘You’re Jake’s kin so I’ll ignore that insult, but I suggest you stop right there. This is going to get ugly real soon and before you know it, it’ll be outright war.’
I push my chest out. ‘She doesn’t love you.’
‘My jacket doesn’t love me. But it’s mine and I use it whenever I please.’
His sneering tone and his choice of words are calculated to infuriate me. I unclench my hands. He will not get to me.
‘Well, she is not a jacket. She’s a woman, and she can decide who she wants to be with.’
‘Let me tell you why she belongs to me,’ he says conversationally, as if he is telling an amusing little anecdote. ‘When she crawled up to me and begged me to help her, her entire body was covered in bruises and bite marks. There were grip marks on her cheeks where they held her face and fucked her mouth. They had filled her belly with their semen. When she vomited I saw it. Globs of it.’
My face whitens and he sees it.
‘Awww … I’ve upset the pretty boy. Well fuck you. Her anus was bleeding. She used to scream when she went to the toilet. Her cunt was so swollen she couldn’t walk straight for days. She was like a mute child for weeks. I took care of her. I ran the bath and fucking bathed her, asshole.’
He stops and tilts his face upwards.