I force a smile on my lips, and even that is so hard to do. I want to cry then, maybe that will help remove this pensive sadness in my heart, but I can’t.
“Sloane…”
Reese doesn’t say another word that day. Instead, she simply crosses the distance between us and hugs me tight. By then, I start to think that maybe the warm embrace will force the tears out, but they still don’t start.
“Reese, I—”
She shushes me, then lets go. Reese walks out of my office, and Kane walks in.
“Sloane, Ashton, and I have talked about this in length. And we think that you need more time for yourself. We can give you a longer leave of absence. You deserve it of all people in this company because you have never taken a break from work since you have started here. We have no urgent projects that need your overseeing. And whatever comes, we can just let Alice do it. She is a competent accountant, too, right? She will not replace you. Your position will still be yours when you return. But for now, we think that you need more time off—”
“I’m fine,” I find myself saying. “Thank you for the offer, Kane. But I’m perfectly fine now. I will look into these projects,” I gesture towards the files on my table, “and I’ll have them checked within the week. But, just please, don’t force me to go on sabbatical. I can’t. I don’t want to.”
“Okay, Sloane. But if you need to go, just tell me, okay? Reese worries about you too, you know.” Kane looks at me with understanding on his face.
I continue the broken sentence in my mind. I don’t want another leave because I don’t want to be alone again. The nights already feel so much longer when I’m alone in my apartment. I don’t need any more of that.
Kane leaves my office, and I sigh before starting with the file at the top of the stack. I still can’t focus for long, but I bury myself in work whenever I can. Then, when thoughts of Owen and Myah crawl into my mind, I stop working and walk outside the building. The loudness of New York City silences my mind and pushes back the sad thoughts about those two people. Sometimes, I even find myself walking in Central Park, not in my favorite places, but into the crowded areas. I surround myself with all these strangers just to stop feeling so alone. And sometimes, it works.
I love my new routine. It helps me get through, but Kane rushes into my office with a new file before my second week ends. I raise an eyebrow at him and look at the short stack of projects I still need to finish.
“I know that you know that none of those are urgent. But this is,” he says as he hands me the file.
The cover says D.C. And I feel like someone has just stabbed my heart.
“Is this about—”
Kane knows what it is and stops me before I finish the sentence. “No. It’s a completely different project that just happens to be in Washington.”
“Why can’t Alice work on this? I mean, I don’t think that—”
“Well. Ashton says you seem like you’re getting more tuned into work again. And he, I mean we, feel like you can already start working on more, you know, urgent jobs. Like this one.”
I feel like arguing that I’m not okay with jobs that involve flying and Washington. Those two places are simply not my cup of tea. But Kane and Ashton have already done so much for me in the past two weeks.
“When then?”
“My secretary has booked a flight for you on Monday next week. Does that sound good?”
Sometimes bosses have this weird thing where they ask you whether it’s okay for you but don’t really give you much of a choice. On a good day, I may have rebutted him with something witty, but the dread of flying again is distracting me so much today that all I can do is nod.
“That’s great. I’ll have her send you the details. And, Sloane?”
“Yes,” I murmur.
“Please don’t faint again and make the plane go back down the ground, okay,” Kane jokes. I hear him chuckling at his own statement as he walks the corridor to his office.
“That’s so not funny, boss,” I say to my empty office again.
It’s not like I want to be afraid of planes. I just am.
I slam my hands on my desk and look at the time. There are still two hours left before the workday ends, but I have no more energy left to finish it. So, I put the Washington file in my bag and leave the office. I deserve to have a break today after this news. Kane and Ashton just have to give me that.