Lucifer's Sin (Walker Security - Lucifer's Trilogy 1)

“What did the other men tell you about that day?” Adam asks.

“The only one who saw what went down was Jake. All he ever said was he had no choice. Three times he said it. Then he packed a bag and left.”

“Did you ask for details?” Adam presses.

“I could barely catch my breath,” I reply. “And the details didn’t matter to me right then. Kasey was dead. I was looking at caskets, burying the brother my fiancé killed.”

"You don’t think it’s odd that Jake hauled ass and left you at that point?” Adam asks. “Blake said from what he’s dug up, he was Kurt’s second for years.”

"He was a father figure to me, but it ended up feeling like that best friend at work kind of thing. Once he was gone, he was pretty gone. And he was gone before that day and that mission. He had a chance to rekindle his relationship with his daughter that had gone south years before. He took it.”

“What did you tell the police about any and all of this?” Savage asks.

“That it was a training accident,” I say. “Luke backed my story when he woke up.”

“Why didn’t you explain this to Lucifer?” Adam asks.

“Again, repetitive here I know, but I was angry. I thought he knew. I still had to bury my brother. When I came back to reality, I tried to call him and his number was disconnected.” They’re both staring at me and I’ve hit my limit. “He won’t believe me and I didn’t tell the story to get you to tell him. I told you because you’re offering me shelter and protection. You deserve to know that I’m not a crazy bitch who goes around shooting people I care about. That’s not who I am. I would have stepped in front of a bullet for Luke and that includes the day I heard he killed Kasey. The truth is, I still would. But I’m human. I was hurt. I was angry. I felt betrayed by my hero. But I didn’t want him dead.”

“And yet, when you saw him for the first time in two years,” Savage comments. “You seemed like you wanted him dead all over again.”

“Yeah, well, I had two years to hate him for more than killing my brother. He left. I had two years to read into that all kinds of ways.”

“In his reality, you shot him,” Savage argues. “You made it clear you wanted him gone.”

“I know. I know. But did he have to really go?” I hold up a hand again. “You don’t have to say it. I don’t pretend to be logical where Luke is concerned. The fine line between love and hate is real. And that’s all. I’m going to my room to rest.”

I stand up and Adam says, “I believe you.”

“Me too, chickadee,” Savage says solemnly. “I think you fucked it all up, but I also believe you love him.”

A nod is all I can manage before I rush up the stairs. Adam and Savage believing me doesn’t change the fact that Luke and I are where we are. I love him. I hate him. I love him all over again. And he feels the same. There’s no turning back time.

Chapter Thirty-Four

LUCIFER

I heard every word Ana said to Adam and Savage.

I was on my way up the stairs after spending an hour in the armory that should have been fifteen minutes, if not for a call with Blake. I heard Ana’s voice, and I stopped shy of the top of the steps, listening to her tell her story to Adam and Savage. I’m still on the stairs when Ana heads upstairs and hurries toward her room.

I don’t follow, not yet. I need a damn minute. I climb the last few steps from the lower level and walk into the main room, ignoring Savage and Adam. Instead, I go to the liquor cabinet off the kitchen, grab a bottle of vodka, and down a few swallows, and while the burn is real, there is no burn quite like the burn that has been Ana on my life.

I down another slug and set the bottle down. I decide vodka is a bastard when it fails to drag me out of the past, and instead shoves me right back inside those memories. Back to the night Ana shot me and I squeeze my eyes shut, reliving it like it was yesterday…

I pull up to The Ranch, my home for the past year since Ana and I moved in, with the cloak of evening upon us now. I’ve delivered the princess to safety, but I’ve brought back body bags, one of which is Kasey’s and now I have to tell Ana that I killed him. I park the SUV in the garage and kill the engine, running a hand over my face, trying to figure out how to tell her, and for about the hundredth time, I have no fucking clue. Every way I come up with leads to the same place: her absolute torment and pain.