My Heart

“I felt the same.”

Tamia’s voice is choked with emotion, but I can’t look at her. If I do, I’ll go to her, take her into my arms where she belongs.

“Really?” Alexis asks.

“Yes,” Tamia says fiercely. “It was the moment I saw him. I tried to fight it, and I never believed he’d feel the same. After we became friends, I knew I couldn’t ever act on it.”

“But it was too difficult,” I grunt. “It was like trying to swim through wet concrete. It was like trying to scale a wall with a thousand pounds strapped to your back. I couldn’t help but… fall.”

My voice cracks now, as I let my eyes roam over Tamia and my daughter. Tamia’s hand is still on Alexis’s shoulder, resting gently. Surely that’s a sign, a hint that she doesn’t hate us.

“This isn’t a trick, a joke?” Alexis says hesitantly.

“I thought the exact same thing,” I tell her.

“We both did,” Tamia adds.

“Wow.”

Alexis rocks back in her chair, as though physically processing the news. “That is absolutely crazy. So this isn’t a fling? This isn’t a – no offense, Dad – an older man taking advantage of a younger woman sort of deal?”

Tamia smiles softly. “He hasn’t taken advantage of me. Everything we’ve done, we’ve both wanted.”

Alexis looks at Tamia and then at me. “I wish I hadn’t found you like that. It was so hard to even think last night.”

“We understand.” I try for a smile. “I’m just surprised you didn’t tear the whole house down.”

“And we’re getting a new couch,” Alexis says. “Or better yet. I’ll get my own apartment. That way I won’t be cramping your style.”

“Wait a second.” Tamia swallows audibly. “Are you saying we have your blessing?”

“I know my dad. And I like to think I know you, Tam, even if it hasn’t been forever.”

“You do,” Tamia says passionately. “We’re friends, Alexis. I think… it’s a little embarrassing, but I think you are my best friend.”

Alexis laughs and collapses against Tamia. For a surreal second, I’m sure she’s attacking her, but then they wrap their arms around each other.

“You’re my best friend,” Alexis says. “I didn’t want to say it in case I sounded, well, crazy. But nothing’s going to top what you two just told me. So yeah, you’re my best friend too. I’ve got other friends, I know, but nothing like this. I think…”

“I think so too,” Tamia whispers.

“What?” I ask, in the softest voice I can muster.

I want to jump up and shout in relief. I want to run around like an idiot, cheering. But this moment is too tender.

“Lisa’s heart,” Alexis says, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I think Lisa’s heart is calling out for Tam. I know how that sounds. But I feel it. She wanted me to make you happy. Being with dad, I can see how happy it makes you.”

“You can?” Tamia murmurs.

Alexis takes Tamia by the shoulders and leans back, studying her. “Duh. Every time you look at each other, it’s like you’re going to melt. I’ve never seen my dad so smitten.”

I chuckle. “Smitten. Now there’s a word I never thought I’d earn. But I can’t deny it.”

“Oh, you’re smitten?” Tamia turns to me, glee alight in her eyes.

“Why do I get the feeling like you two are ganged up on me?” I grin. “But I’ll take that over you two ripping each other’s hair out. Did you mean it, Alexis, honestly? You’re fine with us?”

“More than fine,” Alexis says. “It’s like I said. Finding you like that… freaked me out. But knowing you’re in this for the long haul, means a lot. It matters. Because, as long as you don’t break up…”

“We’re not,” Tamia says.

“Ever,” I growl.

“Then you’re not going anywhere.” Alexis smiles, patting Tamia on the arm. “So if you want to be together, be together. Be happy. I won’t stand in your way.”

I smile, feeling like my cheeks are going to crack from all the happiness. The emotion hammers into my heart and causes it to beat in double-time.

I love you, I almost say, as Tamia’s smile mirrors mine. I love you so damn much.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Tamia

“A little to the left.”

I laugh as Alexis shimmies in the wrong direction, moving away from the flowerbeds.

“The other left.”

“Oh.” She laughs as she shimmies in the other direction, holding her hands in an elegant pose, the best to show off her new dress. “Nobody said modeling was going to be this hard.”

I smile, as the midday sun shines down, catching the multicolored fabric of her dress, the diaphanous material shining in the light. “You wanted some kooky hippie photos for your album. So no more complaining.”

She giggles. It’s been two weeks since Triston and I told her the truth, and every time she laughs I have to remind myself to savor it. I believe what she said about Lisa’s heart. I even hear Lisa in her laughter sometimes, shades of my lost friend.