“Like what?” Eric asked.
“Stubborn and caring and… goddamn gorgeous.”
10
Eric
I grabbed Ambrose, pulling him to me so I could cup his face and kiss him. I was gentle at first. That was what he needed, but when he grabbed my waistband and pulled me against him, I let go.
I kissed him like I wanted to, pushing my tongue into his mouth, pressing my lips to his hard enough to bruise. The kiss turned into a struggle, but neither of us was trying to get away; we were both trying to consume the other. I wanted Ambrose, all of him. I wanted to surround myself with his scent, his taste, the feel of him, even his fucking abrasiveness. I’d seen what was underneath, and it was beautiful.
When I finally grew too desperate for air to keep my mouth pressed to his, I pulled back. Ambrose closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine. I held on to his shoulders, not sure if he could stand without support, and damn if that didn’t feel good.
“I warned you I was a fucking monster. I thought that would keep you away, but now… God, I want you too much to let you go.”
“I want you too, but I didn’t want you to know. I was… scared.”
Ambrose took a step back, pain in his eyes. “Of me?”
“No, of losing myself, of…” I shook my head. It was one thing for him to know I wanted him, but I wasn’t about to admit I might be falling for him.
Ambrose looked at me then. I wanted to turn away, but something in his gaze held me there.
“Talk to me,” he demanded.
I drew in a long breath, and he took my hands in his. I wondered if he needed to be touched as badly as I did. “I don’t… Casual relationships just don’t work for me. I know you’re not looking for anything long-term, especially with a man—”
“That’s not really true.”
I stared at him in confusion. “What?”
“If I found…” He closed his eyes and took a breath before continuing. “I’m not looking. I’m… not right for a relationship. I’m too fucked up, but that’s not because you’re a man. I never thought I’d want… but I do, and you being a man wouldn’t matter if I thought I could handle this.”
“But you don’t, and I’m, like, the one gay man on the planet who only wants a serious relationship. Besides, I made a rule. I don’t go out with straight guys. It never ends well.”
“I’m not what you need.”
“I know.” Ambrose’s sad smile made my eyes sting. “I’ve known that since the first time I saw you, but somehow it doesn’t matter.”
“I’m not straight. Not completely. I couldn’t be and”—he gestured back and forth between us—“feel like this about you.”
“Fuck, Ambrose. I…”
“Don’t worry. I’ve got a safe house arranged. You won’t have to be around me for long.”
Was he serious? “I’m not fucking leaving.”
“You’ve complained incessantly about me dragging you here, and now—”
“I complained because you think I’m just going to sit around while you take down Carlotti and because I can’t simply disappear from my job. People will notice, and they will ask questions. If I just return to St. Claireville—”
“Carlotti will send someone to eliminate you.”
“What is the likelihood of that? Wouldn’t that bring unnecessary attention to his operation?”
“If he thinks you know what he’s doing, he’ll take you out and make it look like an accident. Do you think anyone else in your department will figure that out?”
Ambrose’s phone buzzed, startling both of us. He pulled it from his pocket and tossed it on the couch.
Should he really ignore it? Would anyone call him besides his family? “Who is it?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
The buzzing stopped, then started again immediately. “Fuck.” He glared at me. “This is your fault. You never should have called him.”
So it was Lance.
“I’m fucking fine,” Ambrose said when he answered. “I had better shit to do than get lectured… I don’t answer calls when I’m tracking someone… No… Don’t you dare… I’ll handle it.”
He ended the call then.
“Does your cousin think you should let me go?”
“No, he thinks I should let you help us, but if you’re going to a safe house, he thinks he should handle it.”
“Do neither of you understand that people will be looking for me?”
“People who’d be lucky to find their own ass. I’m not worried about them. I’m worried about keeping you safe.”
I blew out a breath and pushed my hair off my forehead. “I don’t want to argue about this.”
“What do you want to do?”
I looked at Ambrose. He was watching me. He seemed almost afraid of what I would say. I didn’t like seeing him tentative like that.
“If I said I wanted to fuck you, how would you take that?”
“I… um… I might ask you to kiss me again.”