Ruthless Rival

Trying to imagine anything other than the taste of his lips.

I slip into the hotel, find the table in the pack, thank the donor for his generosity.

For thirty entire minutes, I stay focused. I order a sparkling water and a steamed fish entree. I gush about my father and my father's adoration for him.

He returns all my gushing times ten. Adds adopted to every mention of Father. Looks at me like he's in awe of how I ever managed to accomplish anything, what with being so unusual in this world.

Slowly, my thoughts return to Simon.

But I keep the dirty images at bay until I'm accepting a too-close good night hug, taking the subway home, changing into my pajamas.

Until I'm in bed, at home, alone.

Unable to think about anything except Simon.

I need the shiny distraction.

The healthy coping mechanism.

Exercise. Only with orgasms.

No emptiness or self-loathing or obsession.

I can do that.

Can't I?

I close my eyes. Let my thoughts drift to him. Come so hard I see stars.

For the first time in forever, I sleep easy.

But I wake flushed.

Think of him all morning.

For another day.

Another night.

It's no good. I can't deal with this level of distraction.

This is the sensible decision.

Fuck him until I've had my fill.

I can handle that.

I can absolutely handle that.

After my next meeting, I find my cell, and I text him.

Vanessa: How does this go?

Chapter Ten

SIMON

Before Opal showed up at my door, I lived and died by routine.

Six a.m. alarm. An hour at the gym. Coffee at the office. Work until the morning meeting.

A simple lunch.

Coffee with afternoon meetings.

Then work.

I run a tight ship, but I can't escape the laws of time and space. Meetings are inefficient.

I minimize them as much as possible. But that isn't much. Not with my job.

I don't mind the burden, the extra hours.

Or I didn't. Until Opal arrived.

I no longer work until eight.

Or spend free nights with fuck-buddies.

Or even with friends.

Now, I live with a teenage girl. She's not particularly difficult, but she's still a whirlwind of chaos.

I can't control it or organize it or turn it into something that makes sense.

I have to live with it.

I'm not good at it.

But I'm better than I used to be.

So when my phone buzzes in the middle of a meeting, I don't do what I would have done three years ago and wait until I'm finished to take it.

I excuse myself. Find privacy in my office.

I'm not a worrier. It's not in my blood.

I focus on the things within my control. Or I find a way to control them.

But after Bash—

My heartbeat picks up.

For a split second, I think the worst.

Another accident.

An attack.

A sudden illness.

I sit. Pull my cell from my pocket.

Vanessa.

I expect my heart to slow. I expect my breath to steady.

Instead, I'm in knots.

I need to see her.

Touch her, taste her, fuck her.

I need it more than I've ever needed anything.

Vanessa: How does this go?

Simon: What do you want?

Vanessa: I love my job, but it wears on me sometimes. I need a break. Something fun and easy.

Simon: Stress relief?

Vanessa: Exercise with orgasms.

My laugh breaks the tension in my shoulders.

Simon: I'll suggest athletic positions.

Vanessa: You have one in mind?

Simon: A few.

Vanessa: And after we've… exercised, we say good work, kiss goodbye, go back to our lives?

Simon: We could.

Vanessa: One more time?

Simon: As often as we like.

Vanessa: A regular thing?

Simon: Friends with benefits.

Vanessa: Rivals with benefits.

Rivals. It suits us.

Vanessa: Is that how you usually do things?

Simon: I don't usually fuck people who call me the King of Darkness.

Vanessa: You have arrangements?

Simon: Yes.

I do this all the time. My heart never races.

My skin never flushes.

My thoughts never refuse to focus.

I'm not cool or collected.

I'm desperate to have her here. Touch her, kiss her, fuck her, hold her.

Vanessa: When was the last?

Simon: A few months ago.

Vanessa: What ended things?

Simon: She met someone.

Vanessa: She left you?

Simon: We weren't committed to each other.

Vanessa: You weren't monogamous?

Simon: Monogamous, yes, but not committed. An easy out. No questions asked.

Vanessa: Did that bother you?

Simon: No.

She's quiet for a moment.

Is she cursing me for not caring?

Or calling me pragmatic?

I don't know. Maybe I'm a monster. Maybe there's something broken about me.

I don't care.

I want her.

I protect my family.

What else matters?

Vanessa: Are you safe?

Simon: I have a recent test. I'll send it when I get home.

Vanessa: I have one from my last yearly. It was a few months ago, but I haven't been with anyone else since.

Simon: No arrangements?

Vanessa: I've had them before.

My stomach churns. An unfamiliar sensation. Jealousy.

Vanessa: One when my mom was sick. I needed an outlet for a while.

Simon: Then?

Vanessa: I found a different outlet. We said goodbye. No hard feelings.

Simon: Do you think about him?

Vanessa: Only when I see him on social media. He's married now. A kid on the way. Your ex-fuck buddies?

Simon: They invite me to their weddings.

Vanessa: Really?

Simon: They want to thank me.