What Lovers Do

Five seconds to pretend Chloe’s baby is inside her uterus and not mine.

Five seconds to pretend I can be more than friends with Shep.

Then I ram my foot into the mouth of those crazy ideas and continue out the door, leaving them in a pile of beat-up dead dreams behind me.

“When’s the last time you ate dinner at home?” Jules asks as we catch the last few rays of the sun, and her kids burn off the last twenty percent of their energy for the day.

“I don’t remember. How … how did this happen? Jimmy should be the one holed up in his bedroom. Well, my bedroom because it’s my house, and all of the bedrooms are mine. He should be the one hiding from me. I want my house back.”

“Speaking of house … how’s pet store dude?”

“You know his name is Shep … technically Marcus, but I’m sticking with Shep. And he has nothing to do with my house. What do you mean ‘speaking of house?’ Don’t change the subject. I’m mad and I want you to do the BFF thing and agree with me. Feed my anger. Validate my emotions whether they are rational or not.”

Her lips twitch as she shifts her attention to the kids in the pool. “You’re absolutely right. What was I thinking? Jimmy is Satan. He needs to leave. And until then, he needs to stay out of your sight so you can invite pet store dude over to play hide the bone.”

“You’re being demoted. You’re no longer my best friend.”

Jules laughs. “What’s your deal? You said you’re just friends. You are just friends, right?”

It’s tempting to stare at the sun until I go blind so I never have to look at Jules again.

She clears her throat. “I mean … friends who play hide the bone.”

“Not anymore. No bones. No boning. I’m as boneless as a chicken sandwich.”

Jules snorts. “Oh dear … did you manage to mess up your imaginary world? Is that even possible?”

“I didn’t mess up …” I bite my tongue for a few seconds. “Gah! Okay, he tied me to his bed. I was onboard. Like, yeah … let’s get kinky. Then my mind ran away, a racehorse out of the gate. And I decided it might crush me if I knew he was tying someone else to his bed. Hello feelings! And I bolted, sprinting after some sort of self-preservation that I’m certain no longer exists. Radio silence followed.”

“You are a hot mess. Legit, Sophie. If I Googled ‘hot mess’ your profile pic would appear.”

“I know,” I say on a defeated sigh.

“Look at the bright side. It’s a clean break. You knew the time would come. I realize you probably thought that time would involve your belly expanding, but this works too.”

“When I didn’t hear from him, I stopped by the shop.”

“Sophie …” Jules runs her hands through her hair and grumbles. “Shep World must be amazing.”

I cringe. “It kinda is.”

She stops pulling her hair and gives me the side eye. “He tied you up?”

Biting my lower lip, I nod.

“What’s the admission into Shep World? Are we talking daily passes? Monthly? A punch card?”

I giggle. “Oh man … why? Why did I have to meet him now? Why didn’t I wait a year to pop into Wag Your Tail? It’s not fair.”

“Screw it. Tell him you’re pregnant … well, when you’re allowed to share that news bulletin. And I’d say tell him about Jimmy, but really I think you should just …”

“Dispose of Jimmy’s body?”

Jules’s jaw drops and she covers her mouth and her grin. “Sophie!”

I smirk, taking a sip of my drink. “It’s the pregnancy hormones. I’m not thinking clearly. And I don’t want to tell him I’m pregnant. I like how he looks at the non-pregnant version of me. And again, I do not regret being Chloe’s surrogate.”

“Some men find pregnant women quite sexy.”

“Uh … I think that’s when said pregnant woman is pregnant with said man’s child. It’s pride that’s channeled into lust. This isn’t Shep’s baby. I wouldn’t be that adored pregnant woman in his eyes. I’d be his fat fuck buddy.”

“Shh … oh my god …” she whisper-yells at me before giggling. “Hello! My kids are ten feet away.”

“They can’t hear me.” I don’t know this. Chances are they’re hearing everything, but Jules won’t know it for sure until they’re in the middle of a family dinner with all the relatives packed around the table ready to pray. Then one of the kids will blurt out, “What’s a fuck buddy?”

Oops …

“Then it’s over. You walk away now. Forget about him. Have Chloe’s baby. Start dating again. No big deal.”

No big deal …

Is Shep no big deal? Is that why I fled his bed while dragging my undecided heart behind me? Do “no big deals” rent so much space in your head that you fear losing vital information like how to breathe, to not drool, and to complete sentences?