“And then you divorced?”
“No. I was ‘for better or worse.’ No kids? Well, that sucked, but I loved my wife. I married her. End of story. Only it wasn’t. Her relief was short lived. A long streak of unhappiness followed. I worked too much. It was my fault she wasn’t happy. So I quit my job. Took some time to reconnect with her. That’s when she decided she couldn’t be around me so much. That’s when she said she wanted something for herself. Again. Fine. Get a job. We weren’t having a family. Why not at that point? And from there … it all unraveled. She took a job with her current company and turned into a monster as I’ve alluded to before and as you’ve seen for yourself. I could do nothing right in her eyes. So here we are.”
“Shep … I’m sorry. That’s …”
“No pity or apology needed. I’ve accepted things. We’re amicable. Parents to two dogs. That’s good, mature of us, right?”
A nervous laugh escapes her. “Sure. I guess. I’m clearly not an expert on relationships.” She shoots me a quick sidelong glance. I’m not sure if she’s referring to her previous boyfriends or to me.
Miles of roadway pass in more silence before I feel brave enough to take another step. “Can I ask about Jimmy?”
At first, I’m not sure she hears me. She doesn’t move a muscle. Finally, she wets her lips and draws a long breath in through her nose. “He was my ex.”
Again, I wait. We have time. I gave her a big part of my previous relationship. Is she really not going to give me more than what I already gathered from Taryn’s conversation with her?
“Annnything else you want to share about him?”
With her focus out her window, she shakes her head several times. “No.”
“Did your relationship end because you offered to be a surrogate for your sister and her husband?”
“No.”
This is a great conversation. I’m learning so much about her.
I’m done. She has nothing to say. I have, at best, a shaky grip on the news of her pregnancy. We seem to have nowhere to go at this point. And I do get that our relationship seemed to be going nowhere from the beginning. But things in life change. I thought we had changed.
When we get to my place, I shut off the engine. “Thank you for letting me tag along. It was great meeting your dad and Taryn. You’re a … good person, Sophie Ryan. I’m lucky to have you as my friend.” I give her a quick smile and climb out of the car to retrieve my things from the back.
“I had a nice time too. Even if you did beat me this time.” She moseys to the back of the car and slips her hands into her shorts’ pockets, rocking back and forth on her feet as I lug my clubs and duffle bag over my shoulder.
There is so much I want to say to her. I have all these feelings and no place for them to go. I don’t want to upset her or make her feel bad. So I do the right thing. The unselfish thing. “Listen. Your secret’s safe with me, and I get it now. I understand why you’ve tried to keep me at arm’s length. Taking care of yourself and the baby should be your number one priority.”
She nods a few times. “The baby is pretty easy right now. I’m up for walks. Golfing. Whatever. I mean, we’re still friends, right?”
I hate this. How did my life end up here? And why can’t I just pull it together and … and what? Hell, I’m not even sure.
Sophie presses her lips together, puffing out her cheeks for a moment before blowing a long breath out her nose. “This is it, isn’t it?”
“Sophie—” I deflate a bit. I need a minute. Maybe a day or two. Maybe longer.
“No. It’s fine. I mean, it was supposed to be me, you know … ending things when I could no longer hide the pregnancy. It was supposed to be me walking away when I didn’t want you to think I was being dishonest for any other reason than I made a promise to my sister before I met you. Now it’s easy, right? You do you. I’ll do me. It was fun while it lasted. All that good stuff, right?”
Every time she says “right,” I feel like something inside of her is breaking or maybe I’m feeling something breaking inside of myself.
“Right,” I manage, just above a whisper.
“Well, I’ll uh … see you around.”
I nod. One. Fucking. Nod.
Sophie drops her head and shuffles her feet to the driver’s side door. Before she gets a chance to look up at me, I head up my driveway. I’m not sure where I saw my relationship with Sophie going, but it wasn’t here. This isn’t an ending I could have ever imagined.