I lean back and stare down at the pool. It all begins to click into place: why Elise was never around, why my father never spoke of my mother, why I kept dreaming that awful dream, why I was so anxious and broken and confused.
I saw something traumatizing and my brain worked to repress what happened. I held the memory at bay because otherwise it would destroy me.
“Thank you, Elise.” I sit up and turn to Nico. “So now you know. My father strangled my mother to death, and you strangled him. It’s strange, isn’t it? How the world’s a big cycle.”
Elise nearly chokes on her wine. “What did you say?”
I look at her and smile. “Nico killed Papa. He choked him to death. Fitting, right?”
Elise laughs like she doesn’t believe it and gapes at him. “She must be kidding. That can’t be true.”
Nico nods once. “It’s true.”
“I’ll be honest, I always thought you were Domiano’s loyal little lapdog, but you must’ve hated him this whole time, even before you joined the Famiglia. That’s truly terrifying.”
Nico inclines his head. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Papa ruined his life,” I say and Elise blinks at me. “See, Nico was like me. Papa had his parents killed and it broke him, just like my father killed my mother and it broke me. Nico spent his whole life planning for revenge, and now it’s finally here. Papa’s gone because of him.”
“Does anyone else know?”
“Not yet,” Nico says and I see the anguish in his eyes. “My life is in her hands now.”
I smile a little. “I’m not sure I want that responsibility.”
“And yet you have it.”
“If it were up to me, I’d pin a fucking medal on your chest, but I’ll be honest, I never imagined you’d turn on the old prick.” Elise squints at Nico and grins. “I see I misjudged you. Maybe you’re not so bad. And don’t worry—your secret is safe. I’m the last person in the world that would punish you for ending Domiano’s life, no offense, Karah, darling.”
I stand up and kneel down next to Elise. I pull her against me and hug her tightly. “Thank you,” I whisper in her ear. “Thank you so much for telling me the truth.”
“I owe that much to you, at least. And now we’re both free of him.”
I kiss her cheek. “Can I talk to Nico for a second?”
“Take all the time you need.” Elise gets up and grabs the wine bottle. “You kids be good. I’ll have Lucia make us something to eat. I bet you’re starving.” She walks up the steps and back to the house.
I turn to face Nico. He doesn’t move, only watches me carefully, and so many feelings rush through my body. I’m angry and sad and broken and hurt, and I’m mourning the childhood I lost because of my father, but most of all I miss my momma and wish she weren’t gone.
I suspect Nico feels the exact same way.
“If I were in your position, I think I would’ve killed him too,” I say quietly.
His lips twitch. “I’m not so sure. It happened by mistake—he figured out who I was and who my parents were. If he never put it all together, I don’t know if I would’ve done it.”
“But you did, and I think I’m happy.” It’s strange, saying those words, but they’re true: I’m happy Nico murdered my father.
“Don’t say that.” He grimaces like it physically hurts him to hear me say I’m happy my father is dead.
“No, Nico. I think I’m really happy.” I take a step toward him. “My father murdered my mother. I watched him do it when I was just a little girl, and ever since then he treated me like I was his favorite child. I was given everything and my life was a breeze, and in exchange I kept his horrible secret. All my privilege, all my comfort, it was all drenched in my mother’s blood and I never would’ve been strong enough to do something about it. But you were. My mother bought my life with her own and I despise myself for not doing something more.”
“You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”
“I do and I don’t. I was just a little girl and I didn’t know what I was doing, and by the time I was old enough to figure it out, the memory had already burrowed itself so deep that I couldn’t access it anymore. But Nico, I knew, I really knew. I’ve been dreaming of him strangling someone all my life, and I didn’t say anything because I knew it would ruin my life and blow up my world. I was too weak, but you weren’t. You knew what it meant to kill my father, and you still did it.”
He moves off the wall but doesn’t come closer. I want the distance between us to smash and fade, I want to feel him against me so badly it hurts, but I’m afraid, so terrified.