Broken by Sin: A Dark Mafia Romance

“How can I trust myself now?” I ask quietly, fighting back tears. “How can I believe I’ll do the right thing if I watched my mother get murdered and said nothing?”

“You were a kid.” He steps closer, his body practically trembling, his face twisted in pain. “You can’t do this.”

“I lost my mind, Nico. My memories are all twisted and tangled.”

“We’ll untangle them. I won’t let you blame yourself. Even if you decide to tell your brothers what I did, I still won’t let you hold the past over your throat like a knife. Please, Karah. Believe me when I say you’re innocent.”

“I don’t feel innocent.”

“But you are. Let me be the sinner. I’ll carry both of our sins and I’ll take them with me into death if that’s what you need. Let me do that for you, Karah.”

“How can I be a decent person? How can I trust myself ever again, knowing that when I had the choice between doing the right thing and doing the easy thing, I snapped and chose the easy thing? How can I be a wife or, god, even a mother?”

“You were a little girl.” He says the words so fiercely and I almost believe him. “You’re a good person, Karah. I know you feel as though what you were given was built on top of your mother’s life but that’s not the truth, or at least not the whole truth. You can’t blame yourself for the decisions your father made and for not being mature enough and strong enough as a little girl to do the right thing. You were so mixed up and in so much pain that you forced yourself to forget it ever happened. You’re a decent person, Karah. I know you are.”

“Nico.” One word, just his name, but all my longing, self-hatred, and desire is wrapped up inside of it.

And then he’s on me, his arms hugging me close against his body and I’m hugging him back, my Nico, my husband, god, I needed this so badly it hurt like all my ribs were cracked and all my organs were rotten. I sob into his suit and he holds me so hard it’s like he wants to make sure I’m real and never getting away.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers. “I missed you so goddamn much.”

“I missed you too. The second I left the house that night, I missed you. Even when I hated you, I missed you. How fucked up is that?”

“It’s not fucked up, it’s just what we are.” He pulls back and looks into my eyes. “I love you, Karah. I love you more than my own life, and everything that I am is yours. I’ll die for you and I’ll kill for you and I’ll gladly suffer whatever you want so long as you’re happy.”

“I love you too, and I never want to miss you again.”

He crushes his mouth against mine and I kiss him back with a frenzy. I run my hands through his hair and taste him, my Nico. His tongue is heaven and his teeth are desire, and I can’t peel myself away from him, not anymore. We’re together now, bound by blood and trauma and heartbreak, and I don’t think I can ever go back to the way I was before.

But with him, there’s a glimmer of something better.

I can’t say it’s hope, because hope is too indistinct, hope is only a possibility, a wish, a prayer.

With Nico, it’s flesh and blood and lust and pleasure. It’s his smile, his hands, his kiss. It’s him making sure nothing can hurt me because he’s devoted, utterly and completely, and I’m devoted to him in return.

We’re twisted together in our mutual suffering, and as much as I want to see him burn for killing my papa, I also want to hold him tight and never let him hurt again for saving me from the brink of darkness. Those two things will never resolve, and I’ll always live with my two halves, with my hate and my love, and I can be okay with that. I can survive it and thrive.

I’ve always hated, every moment of my days, and now I understand why: I knew my life was a lie.

But I don’t have to live that falsehood anymore.

I have Nico and he’s the truth for me.

I take his hand in mine and kiss his fingers. He looks like he’s going to shatter at any moment, and I give him my best smile.

“Come on,” I say. “Let’s go inside. I’m starving.”

“Should we stay here for a little while? Do you think Elise will mind?”

“I suspect she’ll like the company. Besides, it’s not her house, remember?”

He laughs and hugs me close as we walk together up the steps.

Chapter 35

Karah

Six Months Later

Villa Bruno is quiet as I drift through the back door and head to the pool. I love the heat as it licks against my skin, and even though I miss spending every other weekend with Nico in our Tuscan villa, I’m happy that we’re home and are staying home for the foreseeable future.