Lovely Darkness (Creeping Beautiful)

I kinda scoff at her.

“Well,”—Doc says, picking up my question —“I guess that’s true, Sasha. But in this case love is a very powerful thing. And these boys just aren’t ready to let go of what they think they have.” Doc looks up at me again, his cloudy blue eyes staring intently into mine. “But they never had these two, Merc. These two were never theirs to begin with. They are the property of the Company. Your job here isn’t to save Donovan Couture, it’s to kill him, and his second, and to make sure he takes Indie out when he goes.”

“What the hell are you talking about? That is not—”

Doc raises a hand to stop Sasha, his eyes still locked on mine. “This is not an order. I’m not telling you to do anything, Merc. But you’ll see. Spend a few days here. Get to know the place and the people and you’ll see that this is how it ends.”

Then he turns, walking towards the back breezeway. Over his shoulder he says, “Get some rest. You’re gonna need it.”

When he’s gone, Sasha turns to me. “We’re not killing him.”

I can’t promise that. I doubt I have any real say in what’s happening here. But I nod anyway. “Right. Not killing him.”

Then we both go back to our rooms and I listen to the occupants of Old Home as the creaks, and whispers, and rattling of doors makes a soothing sort of conversation. Lulling me to sleep.

CHAPTER FIVE - ADAM

It’s almost seven AM by the time we ease the boat back up to the worn-out dock on the river. We take our time putting things right, then silently carry the fish we caught into the woods.

I know what’s waiting for me when we get home. I know McKay followed us last night and I know that Indie probably followed him. At the very least, she woke up at some point and discovered that Maggie and I were missing.

She’s getting pissed about our little adventures. In fact, this might be the last time that Maggie and I will ever get to sneak out in the middle of the night to be alone, so I don’t care if Indie is mad.

I’m kinda mad too. And even though I won’t admit it out loud, I’m also having second thoughts. It’s not exactly about saving Donovan, but it is about saving Donovan. I love the guy. I do. I owe him. He’s kept Indie safe. I count him as a friend and, on occasion, even a lover.

My call to Sasha wasn’t disingenuous. When I made that call I was all in. We were gonna do this. We were gonna save him, and keep Indie sane, and everything was gonna be OK. It would be like the old days, only better. Because we’re all adults now, we’ve been through some shit, we learned our lessons and we’re smarter. We know better.

And that’s the problem.

I know better now.

I want Indie to be a good mother, it’s just I don’t think she ever will be. I don’t think she has it in her to put Maggie first, above all else. There is a reason girls like Indie and Wendy live this long. And that reason is their sense of self-preservation. Their willingness to get things done, regardless of the cost. Indie wants to believe in herself, and so do I. And it’s possible—with Nathan’s help, with my help, and McKay’s help, and, of course, Donovan’s help—it’s possible that she learns how to do this.

But then again, it’s just as possible she doesn’t. In fact, it’s highly likely that she’s so used to not being a mother, that role will never really fit her.

And then there’s Donovan’s chances. I’m doing my best to make sure Donovan has a fighting chance, but do I really believe that Merc is some kind of special miracle worker? Do I really believe that he can pull this off? That he can undo what has been done?

No.

Right now, I’m going through the motions just like everyone else.

Add in Nick’s confession last night and what we have here is the closest thing I’ve ever come to a futile act of desperation.

Wendy isn’t gonna make it either. And Wendy, creepy as she is, is a helluva lot better adjusted to normal life than Indie. Wendy, at least, has been living on her own for seven years now. No handler—and Nick doesn’t count. He says they’re married. Fine. But they are the furthest thing from husband and wife there is. McKay and I are closer to a married couple than they are.

But Nick doesn’t matter. He’s not the point. The point is Wendy can function by herself. She has limits, sure. But in reality, Wendy is a business owner. An entrepreneur. She doesn’t pay taxes or anything like that, but she does work. People like me come to her with problems and expect her to get answers. Wendy delivers the goods, too. On time and everything.