Lovely Darkness (Creeping Beautiful)

The last few words come out dark and low. Like a threat.

“Because I’m only going to explain your situation once. Just once. This is your one chance so I highly recommend that you do not fuck it up. K?”

She smiles. It’s fake.

I blink. But that’s fake too. I just want to blink, and can’t. My eyes are drying out and burning. She has given me something. Something that made the fever dream of the Lectra subside but in its place she gave me something worse.

She… paralyzed me.

“It’s temporary. Don’t worry. Tomorrow morning you’ll all wake up and be just fine. Well, mostly fine.” She pats my arm. “You’re gonna have a killer hangover.”

She breathes in deeply, then sits back, resting against the breezeway windows opposite me. I don’t even know how I got here, but from my peripheral vision I can see Merc is here as well. He’s slumped over, still out of it.

“I have three things to tell you, Nick. And we’re going to go in opposite order of importance because… well. The first one is wordy and messy because it’s all about feelings, right?” She sighs. “I’m just gonna admit that you got me back at your house. I knew—well, no. I didn’t know you were alive, but I had been hearing rumors for years. It was just about six months ago that I started taking them seriously. Still.” She lets out another long breath. “You got me.”

I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“That little speech?” She presses her lips together and nods her head. “Mmhmm. ‘I want you to go to school, Sasha. And live in a house. And never pick up a gun again. I want you to wear dresses and go to dances. And have dates with boys who take you to eat hamburgers. I want you to study dinosaurs.’” She started crying right here back at my farm, and she bites back her tears again here inside Old Home.

But right here, right now, she only sniffles once. Then takes another deep breath, and keeps going. “‘I want you to travel the fucking world looking for stupid clues about the past that no one else cares about. And once you’ve done all that without me, Sasha, you’re gonna realize that you can love more than once in a lifetime.’”

Even if I could talk right now, I would not have anything to say. I am ashamed of that day. I did it all wrong. I could’ve done it better.

“It worked the first time and it worked the last time too. And hey, maybe you even meant it. That part about my normal life.” She huffs. “Normal. What a crazy word. My life has never been normal, but I did have a good life. You were right about that. I had Ford, and Ash, and brothers, and sisters, and friends, and school, and dances, and boyfriends, and whatever I wanted, I had it. Kittens and puppies. But fuck you, Nick Tate.”

She points her finger at me. Her smile drops and she’s suddenly frowning.

“Fuck you. I do not forgive you and you did not save me. I need to make that very clear. You. Did not. Save me. And whoever that asshole was out in Kansas pretending to be you, he didn’t save me either. Though I will admit, I did feel better about killing him instead of you once that truth smacked me in the face. I saved myself and I do not forgive you.”

She takes another deep breath. “That’s number one. I’m over you. That’s what I want you to know. I love my family, and my husband, and my life, and my work. Which brings me to number two.”

She cracks her neck and stretches her right shoulder. Like there’s a lot of tension hiding in those muscles.

“Number two. Even though I don’t forgive you, I actually owe you some gratitude. Because you really…” She smiles. And I think it’s even real. Even bright. “Like… really made my job here easy. You did all the heavy lifting. I mean,” she sighs. “Indie’s not the most reliable partner, is she? Easily manipulated and generally gets the job done, but let’s face it. That girl is a mess. Nathan, he’s better, but only marginally. And Donovan. Fucking Donovan. We’ve been trying to fix that man for a decade now.”

My mind is spinning. What?

She blows out a long breath. “Yeah. This was a set up. Merc is calling it a PSYOP, but that’s not really accurate. It’s just… good planning. See, I need Donovan. Well. Not me, personally. But my business partner. She’s attached to him. So I needed a way to break this little Old Home party up. I don’t need Adam Boucher holding a grudge against me because I’m going to take things he considers his. And I can’t let Indie just wander around this world without some serious surveillance. No one wants that job, Nick. They’re tired of her. She’s tiring. And of course, there is no way in hell that Maggie is growing up in this swamp.”