“I was twenty-one when I met your father. He was forty-one.”
I do the math in my head. Mom is forty-four now, which would mean my dad’s in his sixties. The revelation doesn’t stun me or concern me, perhaps the way she wants it to.
After laying eyes on Pearce’s hulking form – after feeling the electricity that sparked between us when I handed him the note – I can’t bring myself to care about the age gap.
I want it. I want his experience. I want him to protect me, to guide me, to always be there for me.
“He was…” Mom trails off with a sigh. “He wasn’t a good man, but he made me believe he was. I was so flattered, this older man showering me with so much attention. I thought I was special. But the second I became pregnant, he was gone. Poof. Just like that.”
“Did he say anything?” I murmur.
She stares blankly at me. “Are you sure you want to hear? He’s still your father.”
I nod. “I feel like I have to.”
“He said he’d rather die than tie himself to a little slut who was too stupid to use the pill or get an—Oh, God. Or get rid of you, Piper, that’s what he said. There had been signs along the way – lots of them, honestly – but that was it. He’d shown me who he really was. I couldn’t stay with him after that.”
The news slams into me, my stomach a tight knot. Mom could’ve told me this at any point growing up, but she never did.
It hurts to hear her words.
“That must’ve been awful for you,” I whisper, blinking away tears.
Even if he never knew me, it aches to know my father wanted nothing to do with me. I can’t imagine inflicting such a horrible fate on a child, not willingly.
No, more than that, maliciously.
Mom sees my tears and reaches across the table, smoothing them away with her thumb. “It was hell. It was proof of how horrible he was. I should’ve left him long before that, but I can’t regret any of it. Without it, I wouldn’t have you.”
“Oh, Mom.”
“I don’t want the same thing to happen to you. You can say what you want. You can say you weren’t flirting, or you’re not attracted to this man. But the fact is, Piper, I know you. I’ve never heard you like that before. You’ve got a crush on him.”
A crush.
It seems like such an understated way to describe the cacophony of emotions rising up inside me. It seems like such a paltry word to define all the visions of our future, the warmth deep inside of my chest, as though my heart is singing out for him with more passion and intensity each second.
“Fine,” I say, knowing I’m not going to win. “I like him. What difference does it make? It’s like I said before. He’s not going to want me. And there’s no freaking way I’m going to tell him. Plus, what do you want me to do? Turn down the job offer? Mom, this is our dream setup. I’m going to be able to see Bones, work on my coursework, and get a decent paycheck. I don’t see how I can say no to that.”
Mom sighs, interlocking her fingers. “That’s how they do it, Piper. They make you feel special in every way they can. Money, attention, everything. And once they’re done with you, that’s it. Out you go. They disappear forever.”
“You haven’t seen dad at all since he left?”
“He passed a few years ago,” she says.
“What? How?”
She stands abruptly and hurries around to the kitchen. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
I spring to my feet, following her. “Mom, that’s not fair. You can’t drop a bombshell like that and—”
She spins on me. “Please, Piper, please. I can’t… not right now. I’m sorry. I know I’m terrible when it comes to talking about this stuff. But please.”
She’s got tears in her eyes, and they tug at my heart.
I can’t push her, not when she looks so close to bursting into tears.
“Okay, but we need to talk about this again. We can’t leave it here.”
“We will. I promise.” She rubs at her face. “Just not right now.”
“Do you want me to turn down the job?”
She shakes her head slowly. “I can’t make you do that. But be careful. Remember what I said. Older men do whatever they want with younger women. They get a kick out of it. Don’t let him take advantage of you.”
My mind spins with everything I’ve learned. My dad is dead and my mom never told me. My dad wanted nothing to do with me.
And my mom thinks Pearce will do the same to me.
I don’t tell her she’s wrong. I don’t tell her he’d never do that, because we’re fated to be together.