“The doctor is going to release me tomorrow. There was no need to come all this way to see me.”
“Only because you had your doctor take you off the transplant list. Why, Mom?”
Her mom turned her head to stare up at the ceiling. “Don’t call me mom.”
Hurt, Jewell rose from the chair to leave.
“I don’t deserve for you to call me mom. I never did.”
Stunned speechless, Jewell moved closer to her mother’s bed.
“I was never the mother you deserved. You tried to please your father and me, and the only time you went against what your father wanted, he tried every dirty way he could to get you back in line. Dylan would have never treated one of the boys the way he did you, but he wouldn’t have to—they weren’t strong like you and gave in to him.” Her mother’s voice had grown raspy as she talked.
Jewell sat down on the side of her bed.
“I was weak and didn’t stand up to him. I betrayed you when you told me you were pregnant and told your father. I thought I could convince him to let you stay at home. Instead, he disowned you when you refused to get an abortion. Then, when you wouldn’t give Michael up for adoption, he wanted you to come back groveling, but you didn’t. You stood up to him, and your father couldn’t handle it. I should have left him then, and I didn’t, nor when I wanted to see Michael at the hospital, and he wouldn’t let me. So, please, don’t call me mom. I lost the right of hearing that word out of your mouth a long time ago.”
“I didn’t hold his actions against you. I know how he is.”
“I was weak. I didn’t want to be alone.” A bitter smile played on her lips. “You know what he said when my doctor asked if anyone in the family would be willing to give me a kidney? Dylan told him all his children were dead. He would rather see me dead than take the chance of you giving me a kidney.”
Jewell took the opening she was waiting for. “I spoke to my doctor on the way here. He reached out to your doctor. He’s going to send my file over and make me an appointment for tomorrow to see if we may be a match.”
“No,” her mother stated firmly, glancing down from the ceiling to meet her eyes. “I won’t accept it.”
“Mom—”
“No, Tory, I won’t take one of your kidneys. You’ve given enough. You donated your child’s organs when I know how hard that had to be. Arin would sneak and show me pictures of you and Michael when I saw her out and she would come visit her parents. You worshiped that child. She also told me how hard you were working to get your degree. You sent us all the money the insurance paid you for the car crash, even though your insurance had already settled with us. When Dylan was going out of business, you tried to pay off his loans, and he let you. The only thing he wouldn’t let you do was pay off the mortgage. He wasn’t high and mighty enough to take the money you sent to save his business, but he was willing to let me lose the house that I raised my children in. If Arin hadn’t bought it in an auction and deeded it back to me, I don’t know where we would be living. I’m sure you gave her the money, despite her saying you didn’t.”
“Money doesn’t matter to me.” Jewell didn’t reach out to take her mother’s hand, despite seeing how upset she was, too afraid of being rejected. “It shouldn’t take long to find out if I’m a match. If not, I’ll go on a list where other people are looking for a match to trade one that will match you. Dad doesn’t even need to know the kidney will come from me.”
“Tory … you’re not getting what I’m trying to tell you.” Her mother clutched the sheet. “I don’t want to live. The thought of living another twenty years in this purgatory with your father, without my children to make my life bearable, isn’t worth living.”
Jewell squeezed her eyes closed. “You want to die.”
“Yes, that’s why I had myself removed from the list. Not because of all the dialysis, but because I don’t want to prolong this hell anymore.”
Jewell raised damp lashes to her mother’s pain-filled face. As she did, Mag’s words hauntingly entered her mind … There but for the grace of God, go I.
The years without Michael had been painful. Jewell hadn’t taken account what her mother had lost. Two sons, a daughter, and a grandchild. Plus, the life and grandchildren that should have been in store for her if she hadn’t lost it all that night.